I've been told I have body dysmorphic disorder but I think I'm just plain ugly..its not a disorder... its my reality. Its what I see when I look in the mirror. I feel totally humiliated and ashamed when people look at me. I also have agoraphobia and I haven't left the house for 3 years. I don't let anyone see me except for my mom & dad and my sisters. I don't have much of a life except going on the computer and eating and sleeping. I'm ugly and disgusting and I don't deserve to live.. I WANT TO DIE.. PLEASEEE.. I'm so frustrated I just cry in bed.. I want to die.. but how.. I'm scared... I want to make sure I die.. I don't want to admitted to the hospital... before I go to bed tonight I'm going to take 100 of my beta blockers (metaprolol 100 mg ) Will this be enough to make my heart stop? Will I die in my sleep? Will it hurt?
PLEASE don't say anything like counselling.. I'm been seeing psychologists and psychiatrists for 10 years since I was a little kid actually.. this is my decision
I need practical advice