F**k it.... I relapsed!

[Xzentric]

I'm sorry to let everyone know that I have unfortunately relapsed.

I'm really sorry to everyone who gave fantastic support, even though you are complete strangers and I don't even know you, it's strange that I fell I have let you all down badly.

I think I am not going to be able to do this on my own. I will really need help for this.

But what hurts the most was the two weeks of pure pain and agony detoxing from 1gram of dhc to zero was for nothing. But despite of all you supporting words of how strong I was, I was not strong enough to beat the mental addiction and this is what I am going to need the help with.

I'm so dissatisfied with myself, but the depression simply took over and that was it.

To @billyboy1965 and @Jellyfish

I'm really sorry but I will give it another go.

To @Rocco, please have someone to talk to and support you when the withdrawals are gone.because that is when the real battle begins.

Good luck bud

[poocheroo]

@Xzentric , no worries everyone is still here and still ready to listen and support you....Took you awhile to get addicted and it will take you awhile to quit using. I saw a stop smoking sign that said "Don't ever quit being a quitter" ...yes I know smoking is different but don't talk yourself into thinking that you only get one chance at quitting. And you are right, you will need help and it is that clarity and acceptance that will help you succeed in the end!

[billyboy1965]

@Xzentric You are only human. Help is a good thing.

[GreenThumb]

@Xzentric, it's all part of the process, bro, quitting is a never a straight-line process.....just keep pushing along, you will get there,,,

[Xzentric]

Ok, I need some suggestions.

For now.. I'm thinking Kratom to replace the dhc. Whats the best variety for opiate use.

I've had a look at this site

https://kratom.co.uk/2012/01/kratom-capsules/

I'm stumped as each variety has different effects due to the alkaloids or something.

I really want to get off the dhc and I'm thinking if kratom can help with the mental addiction, and help with the withdrawals.

what do you think people?

[babyjesus318]

Ok, I need some suggestions.

For now.. I'm thinking Kratom to replace the dhc. Whats the best variety for opiate use.

I've had a look at this site

https://kratom.co.uk/2012/01/kratom-capsules/

I'm stumped as each variety has different effects due to the alkaloids or something.

I really want to get off the dhc and I'm thinking if kratom can help with the mental addiction, and help with the withdrawals.

what do you think people?

man, it happens. some folks only relapse a couple times. more addicts are like me. countless relapses. i always use a saying that i say is an old addicts saying but actually i made it up. "kicking dope is easy! i've done it a thousand times!" don't beat yourself up over it. fall off the wagon, get back on. keep on keeping on......and all the other sayings. the monkey is a sly devil. he will whisper many good reasons to start again or "just this once for old times sake"...................... sometimes i want to spank my monkey..LOL

[brienzi]

I keep tellin ya man to try the subs...then from there seek the help u need..
Yes, it is a substitute but one that won't destroy ur life..
I use opiates daily...and when i run low and out like a week prior, i switch to the subs and never miss a beat..
They work, and yes they can be abused, but that's all on u...get some help and maybe try an alternative therapy...
And know that folks here don't respect ya for fallin off the wagon...we are ALL just human
here to support each other and help..
I've been there, where u are with some other stuff and got it behind me..took me a long time, but i finally did..the cocaine..
I'll put that out there, i don't give 2 shits..
Make a plan for yourself, and seek some professional help, u may be surprised at what u may find and works for ya...Wish u the best, and take care bud

[Gladheart]

@Xzentric

What about a short Suboxone protocol of maybe 5-7 days with a small dose titrating down through the week like brienzi recommended?

What are the feelings of doctors in the UK regarding short term Suboxone detoxes?

[billyboy1965]

Ok, I need some suggestions.

I don't know if you have. You said you needed help. I'm going back to my support group suggestion. Others have as well. Doesn't need to be AA or NA. There are tons people mentioned.

Give it a try. You have nothing to lose.

[brienzi]

yes there are many support groups...and they do work..not all the time but some of the time..
It's kinda like the forum, yeah gotta put the time and effort in to get the results..
AA, CA, NA..the list goes on..And their are many good people there....
When i was younger..real younger, i had had a major coke problem that caused me seizures and shit..had a grand mal in an offfice for a company i was workin for at the time...after that seizure, i went away for a while(beechhill in NH, don't know if its their still there)stayed for 30 days and came out CLEAN..
Hooked up with a sponser and did the "program" for a couple of years..
Met some great people and kicked the demon...I'll always be greatfull...
And that's all there for ya bud..do what ya gotta do...

[sambob]

If you turned off by AA, you could try smart recovery, Kratom works definitely but it is addicting too, so be careful. I only have 2 days under my belt without opiates, but I did take about 3 grams of Bali kratom this morning. If you get on Smart Recovery's website they have a link of books on Amazon that may be helpful. I've been reading Underground Recovery. Maybe see a psych, I'm trying to get in to see one now, done the paperwork just waiting to see if I get accepted.....

[billyboy1965]

@Xzentric My partner starting going to the gym. As horrible as he felt, he did the treadmill. He also did acupuncture at the same time. He says the gym work out kept him focused. Same time everyday. Just like the fix.


There are a zillion options. Nothing will ever cure you. Be sure you've accepted that. It's chronic. You will need to treat it for the rest of your life.

There are many forms of treatment. Find the one that works for you.

Consider it chemotherapy. It hurts, makes you sick, and you get bald. But it is treatment.

[Kat0711]

@Xzentric

Do NOT keep beating yourself up over your relapse. It happens! Try again and again if necessary. I quit opiates Feb of this year, got in an outpatient program and so far (thank God) I have not relapsed. It could happen tomorrow, but I am determined to make this my LAST time. I attend counseling once a week and group twice a week for now. I am getting this help through the local mental health facility and the substance abuse part of my treatment is TOTALLY FREE for me. I am eternally grateful for this help and the wonderful people helping me with my addiction. My point in all this rambling is ask for help and get into a program asap! I wish you the best and GOOD LUCK!


Have a good night!

Kat

[Perromaldido]

@Xzentric

I am not saying anything different than the others did. I just followed your original thread and wished you all the best, it doesn't matter if you know people personally or not. It's just empathy coming from those who know what you're going through...relapsing is part of the mechanics addiction. Don't give up. I know it may sound absurd to you but you're on a light opiate, probably at first kick attempt. May take a while before it ''sticks'' , but it can be done.

Perromaldido

[TenaciousE]

Relapse is part of addiction. It is that simple.

[Indy Girl]

@Xzentric I've been following your story and it sounds like you and I are in the same place. I am currently on day 2 of Suboxone. I have been trying to get off of opiates for about 12 years so I am very familiar with what you are currently going through. Don't beat yourself up about your relapse, it was just a day, it happened, let's move on. Liam, you and I can do this together buddy Hell, anyone else want to join in and try to have a "Birthday" today??

I hate the fact that I'm addicted to pills, but it is my truth. I finally have stopped lying to myself. I need help, I am powerless over opiates, they will continue to rule my life unless I take the help that is being offered. I'm glad to have Suboxone, Liam, are you able to find something similar for you?

Please keep me posted, I really feel like you and I are in the same boat right now........anyone else at day 1 or 2 of sobriety??

-Indy

[cajunbulldog]

I am a recovering drug and alcohol addict as well as a chronic pain patient with narcotic pain control. It is a balance and addiction is life long and must be challenged and beat back daily. Get some local support you can count on and involve a professional. Wish you luck and I am here if you want to chat.

[MaggieA]

@Xzentric: I know how much it sucks to be doing good one day and back in the crapper the next. My heart goes out to you. You know, don't you, that you're addiction/relapse have absolutely nothing to do with your morality, your will, your strength character, your integrity? You have a disease, as do I. Here are a couple of books that have given me huge insight into what drives my addictions. It really has helped to understand my behavior from the points of view that these authors offer. And not only that, I have and do use baclofen (a generic, neuro-muscular skeletal relaxant), to be completely free from alcohol addiction. Dr. Olivier Ameisen, a French cardiologist who developed the protocol and wrote the book, believes that it will eventually be demonstrated that baclofen can "cure" all addiction. You can google it and find several published papers and self-reports. His book is "Heal Thyself."

Dr. Gabor Mate opened at works at North America's only "safe injection" site, in Victoria, B.C. He calls his approach - giving addicts a safe place to inject with sterile needles and medical oversight, "harm reduction." He TOTALLY gets whats and whys of the neurology and biology of addiction. His book is "In The Land of Hungry Ghosts." He, too, has some stuff up on the web. I met him just last week. He is so right-on about the origins of addiction. For me, just understanding his point of view, gave me much more compassion for myself, which also makes the possibility of leaving the addictions behind a more open door.

So, please, do NOT berate yourself. What you are attempting is akin to swimming upstream against the flow of evolution. You CAN do it. Many, many people do. But it is always a journey with unexpected turns. But you can learn from all of them, and find your own way to be free. You DESERVE that!!!

[babyjesus318]

@Xzentric I've been following your story and it sounds like you and I are in the same place. I am currently on day 2 of Suboxone. I have been trying to get off of opiates for about 12 years so I am very familiar with what you are currently going through. Don't beat yourself up about your relapse, it was just a day, it happened, let's move on. Liam, you and I can do this together buddy Hell, anyone else want to join in and try to have a "Birthday" today??

I hate the fact that I'm addicted to pills, but it is my truth. I finally have stopped lying to myself. I need help, I am powerless over opiates, they will continue to rule my life unless I take the help that is being offered. I'm glad to have Suboxone, Liam, are you able to find something similar for you?

Please keep me posted, I really feel like you and I are in the same boat right now........anyone else at day 1 or 2 of sobriety??

-Indy

take my advice and read the threads about suboxone. only take the for a week to 10 days. the opiate sickness will be passed and sub withdrawl is a real bastard. if maintenance is what you want go with MMT. same length of withdrawl but way less severe PAWS. when your doc says you can jump off at the 1mg point after weaning he is wrong! don't just take my word. read the suboxone threads. there are at lest three if not more. good luck my friend.

[GreenThumb]

@Xzentric, going to PM you on this, I don't want to get into recommending vendors in the open...