Knowing what you know now, if you could go back and never take any medicine would you do it?

[mrskrabs]

For me it's tramadol. It's not a sexy drug or life ruining or anything, but its a thing that I have to deal with. Even though I truly believe that it's antidepressant qualities have actually helped, I'm not sure I'd have ever started taking it if I knew that 15 years later I'd still be taking it. It seems like even when I quit for a few months I always seem to have some crisis that I stupidly talk myself into believing that the only thing that will help me get through it will be ultram. The truth is I've never been a huge fan of sobriety. I drink more than I should. I sneak around my husband (casually withdrawing an extra $20 every time I go grocery shopping to pay C.O.D. for tramadol). It's stupid.

[johnnylarue35]

Great Thread Idea!

We all have a few would of, should of, could of, moments in our life. And drugs are one of those for me.

Any drug will alter your brain chemistry, and neuro pathways so you actually rewire your brain.

I would definetly not have taken any of the drugs I took, had I known then what I do now.

I never was hardcore into valium, or hydro, I was close, and I know I can NEVER take those meds, or anytihng like them ever!

[Perromaldido]

Yes, in theory. But a time machine wouldn't be enough. I should have the same brain as I used to have BEFORE I STARTED, otherwise I think I'll go more or less down the same road, unless I then had kown what I known now. Sure there a 2-3 MAJOR STUPID THINGS I'd like to avoid.
In the end, lotsa fun, then lotsa pain, now lotsa doubts--- Then again it was the late 70's...the books, the movies, the music, the anarchy, the on the road inspired travels. No...to be honest chances are I'd be back right there again....

Perromaldido

[Cranberry]

Yes and no mixed together. Personally I would rather take the pills and deal with their side effects rather than spend my life in pain, even addiction point blank period. I tried everything including multiple surgeries, nothing has worked. Long term pain can be incredibly debilitating. It can prevent you from working and making a living for yourself which is demeaning and has knocked many into depression. If the doctors don't think it's a demeaning process they should try to walk a day in our shoes. The meds don't even work 100% , they just knock the edge off so we can live some kind of life. If it just so happens that one of the side effects are euphoria and a sense of well being. Halleujah! People in pain often have more anxiety than a healthy person. We truly need the relief that the meds provide. Is this what the stigma is all about? Sick folks experiencing short lived euphoria? C'mon, I thank God for the poppy plant. lol. It's the only way some of us can live with a shred of a quality of life. Hell, I've been through so much that if a pill can keep my life intact so be it. But on the flipside had I known the horror of withdrawal, I would have never taken more than prescribed to me.

[Lazyboy]

@Diamond22
You couldn't have portrayed my thoughts any better if you had tried. I too would rather live without debilitating pain by taking a pill than to live with it. Why wouldn't you? Pain that is consent completely takes over your life both in work and at home. If taking a med to relieve enough of that pain to be a better and more productive person works than why not? I think the only issue here is the people who take more than they need and abuse the system and we people who truly need the help get the short end of the stick. Anyway, good post.

[TenaciousE]

For me it's tramadol. It's not a sexy drug or life ruining or anything, but its a thing that I have to deal with. Even though I truly believe that it's antidepressant qualities have actually helped, I'm not sure I'd have ever started taking it if I knew that 15 years later I'd still be taking it. It seems like even when I quit for a few months I always seem to have some crisis that I stupidly talk myself into believing that the only thing that will help me get through it will be ultram. The truth is I've never been a huge fan of sobriety. I drink more than I should. I sneak around my husband (casually withdrawing an extra $20 every time I go grocery shopping to pay C.O.D. for tramadol). It's stupid.

I can really relate. Tramadol is my Achilles heel. I love the antidepressant qualities, it just makes me feel like I am in control of my life. In truth it has stolen my outgoing and fun personality.

I have been battling an addiction to it for two years. I have quit several times. I loved having my personality back, but like you I would use some crisis as an excuse to go back. My husband has no idea. I tell him that they are mail order through our prescription plan. But he knows that I am on something that is altering my personality and he blames it on the Klonopin which I am legimitaly prescribed.

I just started a taper plan to get off Tramadol. I hope it is for good. I have been able to battle other addictions, including quitting smoking cold turkey so I am hopeful. Plus I just can no longer stand to spend that sort of money anymore. I have been spending $250 a month to support my addiction. Because Tramadol sometimes causes me to make my leg muscles shake (a possible sign of a pre-seizure) the other day I took a spill down the stairs and screwed up my lower back and gluteus maximus. I can walk but I am in serious pain and cannot even drive. I am taking this as a lesson of the dangers of staying on this drug.

[Mlmk]

Just waking up so short answer.

I wish that I had never touched ambien. I hate my addiction to Ambien.

My quality of life would be horrible without pain medication. I would probably not be able to work. So I'd have to say if I had to do it again I would keep those. Maybe I would change what I did to injure my body so terribly then not need the meds lol. This could get complicated. Fun thread.

[Xzentric]

With the situation I am in now....

In short I wish I had never touched a single drug in my life. However, maybe some people's brain chemistry makes them have no say in this choice.

Who knows?

[Lazyboy]

@Aven I have read so many times about people who have had to "hide" their addition from other family members and my heart goes out to you. I do believe that you WILL find the strength to taper down on the amount of Tramadol you are taking if you put your mind to it. What I am wondering is why you don't talk with your doctor about your pain and have him/her prescribe it so that you can take it legitimately? Most doctors that I have encountered don't mind rxing Tramadol - it's the hydro their afraid of.

[mrskrabs]

@Aven I have read so many times about people who have had to "hide" their addition from other family members and my heart goes out to you. I do believe that you WILL find the strength to taper down on the amount of Tramadol you are taking if you put your mind to it. What I am wondering is why you don't talk with your doctor about your pain and have him/her prescribe it so that you can take it legitimately? Most doctors that I have encountered don't mind rxing Tramadol - it's the hydro their afraid of.

If she's anything like me (and it kind of sounds like she is) then we can't make it though a doctor's visit and ask for a specific drug without sounding like a total junkie. I have gone to a real doctor for legitimate pain and still felt really jittery and uncomfortable when asking for tramadol. I was like, "no, really I don't want the percocet you're trying to give me, I think I'd rather have ultram" and I felt like they could see through my bs. In reality those doctors probably just thought I was weird but harmless. Personally for me the only thing that really really kills pain effectively is ibuprofen. So I guess I'm in luck as far as that goes. Everything else is just for fun. I had to sneak advil into my hospital room after having a c-section because they wouldn't give it to me while I was on the morphine pump. Funny how crazy it sounds now that I think about it.

[lilylola]

Ooooooo, Yes. I WISH I had never taken a benzo regularly for insomnia. I think they're great as needed on occasion, but they were my entry into a medicated life that I can't seem to unmedicate, because now, my insomnia issues are soooooo much worse than before I started those. I used to have sleep problems only when I had to get up early during stressful periods-maybe once a week. Now, I have sleep problems nearly every night. If I could stop everything, and have SUPERHUGE will power & handle the not sleeping for a while, I bet I could get things to return to baseline, but I don't have the gumption to do it. I go bananas when I don't sleep well.

*This post was auto-merged. The following text was added 2 minutes after the last post:*

I wish I was a tougher cookie.

[TenaciousE]

@Aven I have read so many times about people who have had to "hide" their addition from other family members and my heart goes out to you. I do believe that you WILL find the strength to taper down on the amount of Tramadol you are taking if you put your mind to it. What I am wondering is why you don't talk with your doctor about your pain and have him/her prescribe it so that you can take it legitimately? Most doctors that I have encountered don't mind rxing Tramadol - it's the hydro their afraid of.

I actually have a script for it. I got it from my GP and told him that my Ortho Surgeon gave it to me to manage my post sugerical ankle pain, and I am still having some pain. I asked him "would you mind prescribing it to me" and he said "I am fine with it". My actual reasons for asking for the script was to protect myself in case I ever had to take a drug test; Tramadol is tested for in some states.

Anywar, my GP didn't give me enough to support my addiction.

Also, I do not take it for pain specifically, I take it for the antidepressant qualities. I have been on just about every antidepressant on the market and they just aggravate my anxiety disorder. Tramadol is the only AD that works for me. Plus it kills my appetite and allows me to stay a size 2, I am very vain about my looks.

Yes and I detest lying to my husband. Which is another motivator to get off this drug.

[Carter]

Probably not. 10+ years ago when I started SSRIs an benzos due to crippling panic attacks, agoraphobia, unable leave house, go to work...I don't think I had a choice. I certainly would like to go back and do things differently as far as what meds I took, for how long, use alternate therapies, etc.

[lilylola]

Size 2...now I would have a hard time parting with that aspect!

[TenaciousE]

Just waking up so short answer.

I wish that I had never touched ambien. I hate my addiction to Ambien

I am so sorry to hear that you are in the Ambien trap. I was addicted to Ambien and managed to kick it. It is doable. But, it is such as insidious drug. I still get occassional cravings for it. The problem with Ambien is that it ruins your attitude toward sleep for a long time, forever for some people. It makes you think you cannot sleep unless something "knocks you out".

The forum Benzobuddies offers support and tapering plans to get off Ambien.

[mrskrabs]

The appetite suppressant qualities of tramadol disappeared for me a long time ago. Too bad, I enjoyed it. I think it was around 6 or 7 years of taking tramadol I realized that I was eating like a normal person again. In fact, I eat a big meal right before I take it because sometimes I get nauseous if I don't.

[Cranberry]

The appetite suppressant qualities of tramadol disappeared for me a long time ago. Too bad, I enjoyed it. I think it was around 6 or 7 years of taking tramadol I realized that I was eating like a normal person again. In fact, I eat a big meal right before I take it because sometimes I get nauseous if I don't.

@mrskrabs; @Aven thanks for posting this. I thought I was the only one who didn't want to eat whilst taking tramadol. I wonder how it eliminates hunger.

[Swizzlestick]

I am 45 and I agree with @Xzentric exact words.

My brain chemistry is faulty and I was prone to substance abuse. If I would have known all this and had better parental supervision, I might have made it with other methods. But I have altered my brain chesitry and even if I quit today and suffered Cold Turkey WD off Valium and a lite opiate use, it would take YEARS to fully recover.

I read somewhere (I think on this board) that the definition of "Hell" is when you die and the person you are meets the person you could have been.

If that is definition of "Hell", then that is certainly where I am headed.

[etinin]

I am 45 and I agree with @Xzentric exact words.

My brain chemistry is faulty and I was prone to substance abuse. If I would have known all this and had better parental supervision, I might have made it with other methods. But I have altered my brain chesitry and even if I quit today and suffered Cold Turkey WD off Valium and a lite opiate use, it would take YEARS to fully recover.

I read somewhere (I think on this board) that the definition of "Hell" is when you die and the person you are meets the person you could have been.

If that is definition of "Hell", then that is certainly where I am headed.

Everyone is headed that way. All people have been through their own personal hell and have regrets.

Substance abuse can be bad for you, but those with problems you consider small may be actually be highly unhappy and bothered by their personal issues.

[RedBaron]

I wish I had never taken a benzo or opiate after a very unpleasant withdrawal... but that was during the withdrawal effects. I still take them occasionally, but it's the frequency that I wish I hadn't ramped up to.