I think it's time for me to leave this world

[Massiveamounts]

Indy girl please do not take this as an insult or that I'm trying to insult you, I lost my best friend in this world who was like a brother to me which still very much has an affect on my life and relationships to this day......I don't want to get too close to others now when I'm extremely out going but am even becoming less which is nothing like me, but you don't understand how losing a friend or family member to suicide effects you.

It was his b'day and he called me fairly late that night at like ten which would not be that late had it been in the week and I had to work the next day and I was rude as hell to him because he woke me up wanting me to go celebrate his b'day with him at the strip club........I told him we would celebrate his b'day that weekend.........that night he put a glock to his head and I've never been the same since. I blame myself because I know for a fact I'm one of the only humans he respected enough to listen to and could of talked him out of doing it and I hate to this day that I was rude to him, honestly it's something I think about almost daily.....


Just think of how your suicide is going to effect others instead of how it's going to end your problems think about how massive the problems are you are going to leave others, again not trying to be rude at all my friend I just want you to think about these things.

Plus you are using a permanent solution to fix a temporary problem, please don't and please don't leave any of your family or friends feeling the way I do about my best mate......please don't.

Btw best of luck my friend, if there is anything I can do to help I know we have never even spoken I don't think but there is nothing I would not do to help prevent someone from taking their own life or possibly making someone feel like I do about losing my best friend......seriously just let me know.

[MayreeAngel]

Thanks for the kind words everyone, that is why I love this forum!!! We all have things that we are going though. I believe that through each other stories we can only become stronger

-Indy

@ Indy Girl..... please listen to our friends on this forum!!!! About 2 mos. ago I was about to just quit. I asked for support on here because These people are my ONLY friends. You would not believe the outpouring of support! They helped me hold on. I still have very bad days. With depression there are lots of them. But I printed all the responses on here and I still read back on them. They pull me thru. It's hard. It sucks!!! But we can do it. I still often wonder why I do it day after day. But I think of all the friends on here who cared and took time out of their days and their own issues to talk to me. They don't really even know me but they cared. There is something we have in common that pulls us together. don't give in honey. You can always PM me
MayreeAngel

*This post was auto-merged. The following text was added 4 minutes after the last post:*

I also must add.....my brother committed suicide. His child is now about to graduate from college. He contacted me 2 days ago and wants help from me dealing with his father's death. He was only 4 years old. He's now a grown, bitter man. I will do all I can to help him know his daddy as I knew him. I will try to help him understand. I guess my point is, you affect more than yourself. Lord, help me remember this everyday.

[barkingmad]

Hey @indygirl,
I'd feel a whole lot better if you were to post a little something today, like perhaps how you came to choose the avatar you have?

[trav67]

@Indy Girl I feel your pain about others and how they are all about themselves and thier own problems and dont as much as even notice others. I reached a point in life once that I realized that I could help the ones I loved better by dying than living.(Life Insurance) It was a terrible time for me and it got worse when that very same point was hinted at in a note sent to me by the one I still cared for. That was my personal low point, and the pain still lingers, because I am still alone, going on 12 years later. I have not really tried to find another, but I feel that being alone and having no close friends is as bad as it gets.
But you know, I am still going. I am thinking of picking up and just going somewhere where no one knows me. I may just up and do that. Still here because still trying to be with my sons as much as possible, but they are almost grown and have their lives to deal with. My ex has seen to it that they are well schooled in my "sins" and deserved all I got.
So, @Indy Girl, grab hold of those closest to you and give them the news about your feelings. You are every bit as important and special as any of them, In fact, you might be surprised to see what skeletons Mr and Mrs Special is hiding.

[trav67]

Hey @Indy Girl, Please check in with us and let everyone know if you are all right. You can slam me for writing such a lame-o post last night, funny, it seemed better when I wrote it.
I can relate about the job, I have been called onto the carpet now three times for Narcolepsy, last time was last Thursday. I am upfront with them about my doctor and medications and what all I am trying to do to improve it, but still feel that they dont half believe it.
Let us know more about your situation, maybe someone here will be able to help. Just know that there are those that care.
Wouldnt it be great if there were a way to wiggle your nose or snap your finger and have one of those that care appear whenever needed?

[betsky]

I'm sorry to be such a spoilsport but @trav67 you are getting very upset and that bothers me. Unless someone else is usind Indys name, she is o.k.
@Indy Girl, forgive me for stomping in you thread but people really care

[Face]

@Indy Girl

I can imagine what you are going through because I'm going through the same situation right now.

People at work, home, and friend were used to see a different "me"
In fact, I didn't care and kept going doing my tasks.
I talked to a friend, my older brother, and my father about my situation and they understood what I'm going through and supported me to keep going in my normal life,work,business, and social life.

Most people in our surroundings don't care much about our own life. They don't even notice the changes and ups & downs we go through, unless we want to make them know about that.

You are who you are regardless of what you are going through. YOU JUST NEED TO BE CONFIDENT AND CONVINCE YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE THE SAME GREAT PERSON WHO HAS ALWAYS BEEN. DON'T GIVE UP YOUR PERMANENT LIFE FOR A TEMPORARY ISSUE. YOU ARE STRONG ENOUGH TO OVERCOME SUCH A CASE, I CAN TELL FROM READING YOUR POSTS.

I might be new member of this great community, but I can guarantee you that being between people in this community and sharing your worries and concerns will help you more than leaving it. As human beings, it's always better to be surrounded by people who understand our worries and problems. They are the ones who understand us and offer the best advice as they went through the same situations we are going through and overcame it successfully.

If those people didn't care about you, they wouldn't be so concerned about your issue.

Stay confident and strong


Best wishes,
Face

[Indy Girl]

HI everyone. I must say that I have never felt so much love from a bunch of "strangers". I use that term loosely because I feel like I know so many of you through common experiences. I'm sorry if I scared anyone, but I was in a dark place when I wrote that post. Have you ever felt that no matter what you do, it feels like you are running in place? That is the best comparison to the way that I was feeling at the time.

After writing that post and reading all of the responses (and each and every one of them were so helpful) I picked up the phone and spoke to those people in my life that were causing me so much pain and anguish. I was so surprised at my friend's responses, they are more of a support system than I gave them credit for. It's the best feeling in the world to know that not only do I have my friend's support, but that I also have this wonderful board and all of the people on PR's support.

I can't tell you how much all of you helped me. I now see my life in a different light and it is due in part to all of you wonderful people It's been a wonderful day, and I look forward to what tomorrow brings!

Thanks again to all of you magnificent people!
-Indy

[Richh]

You had me worried too. So glad you found that well needed support system in your life. Doctors don't provide it. Congratulations! Keep smiling!

[Indy Girl]

This applies to my last post @OliveJuice @barkingmad @sophie30 @betsky @GreenThumb @lbz @magchik @happi2bhere @Massiveamounts @MayreeAngel @trav67 @Face

[barkingmad]

hey @indygirl glad to here from you today! I'm glad you were able to get some peace last night. Reaching out is something we all need to do on occassion.

[trav67]

So glad that things are looking up for you.

@betsky, I just wanted to say that if I in any way came across as being angry or sarcastic or anything like that, it was not intended or even thought of, I aint that smart.
I have had times like she described and could relate. I will keep any of my future posts simple and to the point.
I hope all continues to go well for you @Indy Girl

[barkingmad]

oh and @indygirl, sometime will you finally tell us what inspired you to choose your avatar?I'm bettin its a decent story. : )

[sophie30]

@Indy Girl's avatar used to be the background on my computer, I love it, hahaha.

And I'm so glad you reached out and are feeling better, remember that next time you get down, it DOES get better

[Face]

Indy .... I had no doubt that you will overcome this. I's so happy that you talked to the people who are effective in your life. That's exactly what only thing you needed to do.

Life is simple, so keep it that way

Wish you all the best in your life

HI everyone. I must say that I have never felt so much love from a bunch of "strangers". I use that term loosely because I feel like I know so many of you through common experiences. I'm sorry if I scared anyone, but I was in a dark place when I wrote that post. Have you ever felt that no matter what you do, it feels like you are running in place? That is the best comparison to the way that I was feeling at the time.

After writing that post and reading all of the responses (and each and every one of them were so helpful) I picked up the phone and spoke to those people in my life that were causing me so much pain and anguish. I was so surprised at my friend's responses, they are more of a support system than I gave them credit for. It's the best feeling in the world to know that not only do I have my friend's support, but that I also have this wonderful board and all of the people on PR's support.

I can't tell you how much all of you helped me. I now see my life in a different light and it is due in part to all of you wonderful people It's been a wonderful day, and I look forward to what tomorrow brings!

Thanks again to all of you magnificent people!
-Indy

[Indy Girl]

Here is a nice hodgepodge of some of my thoughts for all of you wonderful people

@sophie30, @betsky, @barkingmad, @magchik, I wish that my avatar was a picture of my cat. I found the picture online years ago. I actually own a cat that looks exactly like the cat in my avatar, but there is no way in hell that he would sit still long enough to let me put cute little things on him, trust me, I've tried.

@betsky no need to apologize for "stomping on my thread", I think this thread has turned into something really special. It's not just about me, I think this thread has actually brought all of us a little closer. It's nice to talk about other things besides people with under 10 posts asking about where they can buy meds right now because they are jonesing for a fix.

@trav67 can you please keep us posted on how you are doing. Your post made me a little concerned, IDK, maybe I read it the wrong way

@Massiveamounts, I'm so sorry to hear about what happened to your friend. Your post helped me realize how selfish I was being and how selfish suicide is. I think your story not only helped me, but could help others as well. It made me really think about how much others would miss me and how much pain and suffering I would cause my loved ones. I'm not dismissing or de-emphasizing the importance of what each and everyone of you shared with me in anyway at all. Everybody said things that helped me put things into perspective. I truly care about the well being of everyone on this board.

We really do have a great community here! I was a member of the now defunct DBs.com and that place was not supportive at all. Don't get me wrong, there were a few people who showed care and compassion, but for the most part, the majority of the people on that board seemed more interested in being right than being sympathetic.

I LOVE IT HERE!!!! HAVE A GREAT DAY EVERYONE!!!

-Indy

Here is a picture of my little guy, he's so stinkin cute!!

[girlgerms]

That is a beautiful animal, looks so soft. What kind of cat is he? I wish I had one like that but Im sure my dogs would not agree.

[betsky]

@trav67
Don't you dare shorten your post's or be wary of posting
In your own way and words esp. On my account
please we have talked in other threads and i think we need
You as much as u need us. You spoke of offline friendships. I have one good girlfriend and yet i haven't talked to her in 2 weeks and she lives next door
I know how it feels to be lonely in a crowd of "friends "
I only brought your name up as a poster who stated the redt of our concern.
O.K. total honesty, I checked the "who's online "feature and saw the original poster exploring threads. I selfishly used
Your last 2replys to point out that imo i.g.needed to give some reply to those of us checking back alot.
Thats why i said I stomped on her thread but i had no way of seeking reassurance (again selfish) without pming which would not help u or others.
It was the who's online that prompted that post not your concerns which were written honestly a d what more could we ask for

[Indy Girl]

@girlgerms he is a Persian cat. He is so tiny, but you can't tell because of all his fur I have another cat, he is a Ragdoll. They are buddies and play with each other all the time. They make me laugh and help me get through rough times

[HHMuse]

HI everyone. I must say that I have never felt so much love from a bunch of "strangers". I use that term loosely because I feel like I know so many of you through common experiences. I'm sorry if I scared anyone, but I was in a dark place when I wrote that post. Have you ever felt that no matter what you do, it feels like you are running in place? That is the best comparison to the way that I was feeling at the time.

After writing that post and reading all of the responses (and each and every one of them were so helpful) I picked up the phone and spoke to those people in my life that were causing me so much pain and anguish. I was so surprised at my friend's responses, they are more of a support system than I gave them credit for. It's the best feeling in the world to know that not only do I have my friend's support, but that I also have this wonderful board and all of the people on PR's support.

I can't tell you how much all of you helped me. I now see my life in a different light and it is due in part to all of you wonderful people It's been a wonderful day, and I look forward to what tomorrow brings!

Thanks again to all of you magnificent people!
-Indy

That pistol in my AV? It's not just my carry gun. I've sat in the truck for hours sometimes, *this close* to ending the pain. But my husband has always convinced me, "give it a couple months, and if you're still like this, then I'll help you through it. I don't want you alone for it." He'll be the judge of when it's time to go. He is, after all, a controlling type.