Indy girl please do not take this as an insult or that I'm trying to insult you, I lost my best friend in this world who was like a brother to me which still very much has an affect on my life and relationships to this day......I don't want to get too close to others now when I'm extremely out going but am even becoming less which is nothing like me, but you don't understand how losing a friend or family member to suicide effects you.
It was his b'day and he called me fairly late that night at like ten which would not be that late had it been in the week and I had to work the next day and I was rude as hell to him because he woke me up wanting me to go celebrate his b'day with him at the strip club........I told him we would celebrate his b'day that weekend.........that night he put a glock to his head and I've never been the same since. I blame myself because I know for a fact I'm one of the only humans he respected enough to listen to and could of talked him out of doing it and I hate to this day that I was rude to him, honestly it's something I think about almost daily.....
Just think of how your suicide is going to effect others instead of how it's going to end your problems think about how massive the problems are you are going to leave others, again not trying to be rude at all my friend I just want you to think about these things.
Plus you are using a permanent solution to fix a temporary problem, please don't and please don't leave any of your family or friends feeling the way I do about my best mate......please don't.
Btw best of luck my friend, if there is anything I can do to help I know we have never even spoken I don't think but there is nothing I would not do to help prevent someone from taking their own life or possibly making someone feel like I do about losing my best friend......seriously just let me know.