I think it's time for me to leave this world

[taralumia]

That pistol in my AV? It's not just my carry gun. I've sat in the truck for hours sometimes, *this close* to ending the pain. But my husband has always convinced me, "give it a couple months, and if you're still like this, then I'll help you through it. I don't want you alone for it." He'll be the judge of when it's time to go. He is, after all, a controlling type.

For some reason, I do NOT find this post reassuring. Do you have any support other than your husband? What if something happens to him?

[alprazo]

Many of you in this thread don't know me. I typically post in other threads. I'm tired of this existence. A recently I had a pretty severe injury and people look at me three weeks after said injury like all should be well. To tell you the the truth, it isn't. I have a very lucrative job that I am afraid of losing due to my medical condition. The medicines that they have given me has cause me to have bouts of diarrhea and vomiting, not something that I would like all all 300 of my colleagues to know about. I guess my question is, where is all the compassion? Why can't people take time out of their busy days to see how I am progressing. I do admit that from the outside, I look tip top, but from the inside, I am a disaster. I am at my wits end and don't know how much longer I can put on this poker face. Thanks for listening.

-Indy

sounds like a drag I hate it when you feel bad! however I have never wanted to die I am trully sory you would evr have to feel like that

[thelovechef]

I understand aspects of what you are going through. I suffer from depression but sometimes I know that the only person I can count on is myself. I try to do little things for myself that I know that will make me feel better which is limited these days with this economy. I used to turn to retail therapy or vacations. Now I force myself to go to the gym which I'm usually not thrilled about at the time but get those endorphins going and glad afterward. Go lay out and get some vitamin D from getting some sun. Also, gratitude lists help because they're are so many people with great misfortunes, handicaps great losses that are having to overcome with hardships. With that being said, it is so hard to escape from mental depression. There are somethings you can do yourself, but often, a therapist or antidepression meds can help. I'm just coming through a depression too due to a traumatic experience, but every day gets a tad better. Best of luck to you.

[poocheroo]

Many of you in this thread don't know me. I typically post in other threads. I'm tired of this existence. A recently I had a pretty severe injury and people look at me three weeks after said injury like all should be well. To tell you the the truth, it isn't. I have a very lucrative job that I am afraid of losing due to my medical condition. The medicines that they have given me has cause me to have bouts of diarrhea and vomiting, not something that I would like all all 300 of my colleagues to know about. I guess my question is, where is all the compassion? Why can't people take time out of their busy days to see how I am progressing. I do admit that from the outside, I look tip top, but from the inside, I am a disaster. I am at my wits end and don't know how much longer I can put on this poker face. Thanks for listening.

-Indy

Girl, how are you doing? I am new and just saw this post and I truly hope things have improved. It seems like our culture just isn't comfortable with sharing emotion and getting personal with people. It may not be that they don't care but just don't know if it is appropriate to say something to you. It is the same way with mourning. You have a loved one who passes away and you get a few days off from work to plan a funeral and then you are expected to be ready to get back to things as usual. Very strange. Just know that even though people may not be asking, it does not mean they don't care and remember you have folks on this forum that can really appreciate what you are going through and are literally here 24/7 to support you! Is there someone at work who you feel you can pull aside and share what you are going through and possibly even your disappointment that know one has been checking in?

*This post was auto-merged. The following text was added 5 minutes after the last post:*

Also, it reminds me of something slightly similar that happened to me a few years ago. My husband was deployed in Iraq and no one with whom I worked (some good friends too) never asked how I was doing or if I needed anything and I was so lonely and sad. After a friend separated from her husband and stayed with me for a few weeks did I finally have the nerve to say how disappointed and hurt I was. She felt really really bad and admitted that it was jacked up. She went back and must have said something to the other girls because after that things changed and I got the support I needed. Sure, I was nervous about being rejected but sometimes, even if you feel like shouldn't have to, you just need to be up front and say what it is you need.

Update: ok just finished reading the rest of posts regarding this (probably should of done that sooner...duh) So glad you are feeling better and that your friends turned out to just what you needed!

[Indy Girl]

@magchik, @OliveJuice, @barkingmad, @betsky, @GreenThumb, @lbz, @happi2bhere, @Massiveamounts, @MayreeAngel, @trav67, @Face, @sophie30, @poocheroo

I'm glad to report that I'm doing better.....BUT I do have to admit that I went on about a 3 week bender. Pain killers.....everyday.....for three weeks. I'm sober now, 7 days!!! I was in a very bad way, but it's weird, I felt that I was disappointing all of you in some way, hence why I haven't been on here in awhile, I was ashamed. You want to know the best thing? I knew that I could come on here, reveal what has been going on with me, and none of you would judge me for it. Thank you for helping me through my personal struggles and demons.

I didn't pop any pills today, and with the strength you have given me, I don't think I will pop any pills tomorrow. Remember, this is a one day at a time struggle for me.

Thanks for listening and being such a great support system.

Also, if I left anyone off of here, it was not intentional, I truly appreciate all of you!!

-Indy

[TheMoon]

Yours is the first thread title that has ever sent a chill up my spine! I'm glad you are doing better @Indy Girl. PR members came out in force to help you out - this is a great forum with good people. You're right about the one day at a time - things may seem terrible today or even for many days but relief will come.

[barkingmad]

@indygirl, What else would family do? Glad to know you're ok. Remember, its more productive to understand what triggered the bender than it is spending time beating yourself up for it. Again, it't nics to see the Watermelon Cattacus icon around again.

[colske]

Many of you in this thread don't know me. I typically post in other threads. I'm tired of this existence. A recently I had a pretty severe injury and people look at me three weeks after said injury like all should be well. To tell you the the truth, it isn't. I have a very lucrative job that I am afraid of losing due to my medical condition. The medicines that they have given me has cause me to have bouts of diarrhea and vomiting, not something that I would like all all 300 of my colleagues to know about. I guess my question is, where is all the compassion? Why can't people take time out of their busy days to see how I am progressing. I do admit that from the outside, I look tip top, but from the inside, I am a disaster. I am at my wits end and don't know how much longer I can put on this poker face. Thanks for listening.

-Indy

@indy Every persons pain is unique no-matter how similar the problems of each person may seam, every one of those people probably react and fell in a different way.
I too feel the weight of loneliness and despair in my life. Like you I have been fortunate enough to be in a good position financially, BUT with that financial position I have taken on many responsibilities, I am still quite young, 30 years old, but I have many people both young and old looking to me every day to help them out in some minor or major way. Most of the time it is extremely rewarding to be able to GIVE something as for many years I was extremely self centred BUT increasingly lately I have felt in real need of a helping hand myself. I go to bed at night thinking of terrible things, extremely morbid things. But like you everyone sees the cool exterior, the financial success and assumes that nothing could possibly be too bad in my life!!, Apparently I have it all!! (All to most people seems to = MONEY) My siblings and I had quite a tough upbringing but the shining star of us was my younger brother (by 4 years). He excelled in everything he did with apparent ease and everyone was drawn irresistibly towards him. He was extremely sensitive and caring, always had a smile on his face, and would give you the shirt off his back without even flinching.
Only a few short years ago, without out any apparent warning, he hung himself. It feels like yesterday. I caused me more pain than I ever thought I could feel. I loved him more than ..... I just loved him so much. I still do. You see he too spent all his time helping others, to others he seemed happy, because he was successful in certain areas of his life, so no-one including myself took enough time to see the signs that he needed help and understanding!!
I mention the above because it bears a stark similarity to your situation.
My point is that everyone,no-matter how successful in any or all areas of life, need someone to confide in, to unload that excess baggage. Someone who will forget about appearances and actually listen to you. Sometimes just having someone to listen to you makes all the difference in the world.
I applaud you for having the guts to open yourself up like this, and perhaps an anonymous forum is the best place to do it. As you said, those closer to you seem to be unaware of your difficulties and maybe you, like me, would feel a little self centred, vulnerable, exposed and maybe even a little too proud to expose that very intimate and side of yourself.
I wish you every success and I would be more than glad to talk with you via PM or through this post while you fight your way through what i am sure will turn out to be just a very rough patch, but with a very bright light at the end of the tunnel.


I see from above that you seem to be doing better now.
My offer of a friendly ear is redeemable from now until any time in the future, the same goes to anyone else, Suicide and depression is something I don't think that anyone or any family should ever have to go through. So if i could help just one person in finding just a little more joy in life, it would not just be my pleasure, it would be a privilege!!

[Lazyboy]

To Indy Girl, betsky and all other out there who are feeling overwhelmed with your pain. Please listen and take to heart all of the wonderful, heartfelt posts by many of the amazing people in this forum. Together we will "lift each other up" as best we can. Never give up hope. The answers are out there.

[betsky]

@trav67
Don't you dare shorten your post's or be wary of posting
In your own way and words esp. On my account
please we have talked in other threads and i think we need
You as much as u need us. You spoke of offline friendships. I have one good girlfriend and yet i haven't talked to her in 2 weeks and she lives next door
I know how it feels to be lonely in a crowd of "friends "
I only brought your name up as a poster who stated the redt of our concern.
O.K. total honesty, I checked the "who's online "feature and saw the original poster exploring threads. I selfishly used
Your last 2replys to point out that imo i.g.needed to give some reply to those of us checking back alot.
Thats why i said I stomped on her thread but i had no way of seeking reassurance (again selfish) without pming which would not help u or others.
It was the who's online that prompted that post not your concerns which were written honestly a d what more could we ask for

WOW what a difference 2 weeks makes. Thiss is who i should be

[Roswell1947]

@Indy Girl

I'm glad to report that I'm doing better.....BUT I do have to admit that I went on about a 3 week bender. Pain killers.....everyday.....for three weeks. I'm sober now, 7 days!!!

Outstanding!
A lot of helpful posts in this thread.
I just saw it.
Hang in there, and post a new thread if you feel overwhelmed
in the future.

[poocheroo]

So glad to hear from you! Your honesty will serve you well in many aspects of your life and you should be super proud of yourself! Hang in there and know there are always people here to lean on!

[Indy Girl]

@magchik, @OliveJuice, @barkingmad, @betsky, @GreenThumb, @lbz, @happi2bhere, @Massiveamounts, @MayreeAngel, @trav67, @Face, @sophie30, @poocheroo (sorry if I left someone out) I got put on Suboxone today. I realized it was time to stop kidding myself and ask for help. Opiates are hard to kick, my body was telling me "more, more, more", but my head kept telling me "no, you don't need pills to be happy".

This thread has been a roller coaster ride of my last month, thanks to everyone for listening and sharing their thoughts Everybody doing ok??

-Indy

[barkingmad]

@indygirl, hon, if you are ok, I am all kinds of fine. <friendly peck on cheek>

[poocheroo]

@magchik, @OliveJuice, @barkingmad, @betsky, @GreenThumb, @lbz, @happi2bhere, @Massiveamounts, @MayreeAngel, @trav67, @Face, @sophie30, @poocheroo (sorry if I left someone out) I got put on Suboxone today. I realized it was time to stop kidding myself and ask for help. Opiates are hard to kick, my body was telling me "more, more, more", but my head kept telling me "no, you don't need pills to be happy".

This thread has been a roller coaster ride of my last month, thanks to everyone for listening and sharing their thoughts Everybody doing ok??

-Indy

Better now knowing that you are ok.

[Indy Girl]

Thanks @poocheroo It's hard to admit that I am powerless over those stupid pills, but it was something that I had to do. Thanks for listening and the support

-Indy

[poocheroo]

Thanks @poocheroo It's hard to admit that I am powerless over those stupid pills, but it was something that I had to do. Thanks for listening and the support

-Indy

Girl, absolutely! It is a big deal and takes a lot of courage. You should be proud of yourself. And as I clearly have no life because I am always on this forum, I am usually here if you ever need to chat LOL!

[Indy Girl]

@barkingmad right back at cha <peck peck>

[trav67]

I am glad to see that you are doing something to help yourself. I guess that taking that first step is the hardest.
Hang in there and please keep us posted. Hope all goes your way.

[GreenThumb]

@indyGirl, glad you're hanging in there, lady...I know how it is, I had one of those days myself, my entire body was one large hurt and I am chewing DHC's like they are about to go out of style, and feeling guilty as well.....but, that's how it is when the pain gets bad, thought processes go out the window.....god bless.