My live was for 20 years that live was a "normal" man lives...i make Abitur (in usa the highest school graduation you can make before uni ... then i tried a apprenticeship as a bank merchant...i must break it up because meany reasons ....firstly i got depression secondly i got a sweating illness which not allowed me to make a job with costumer contact third i get panik attacks and had very much anxiety ... a pychiator wrote me a description in the beginning for very short time but till i cannot work after this i got a long time perscription from a officce doctor...from my pschso doc it would tryed many meds all neurolepitcas or antidepressivas ...by neurolepticas i only remeber the byeffect...by antidepri only nothing...in the time i got in additon a pschotic illness...to this time i saw only two possibiltiys ... taking drugs or suicidal...but that i know would fail because im to craven ... luckily perhaps...so i began with tramadol and see the psychotik effects which was the badest at this time immidiatelly gone away...my depression to this time get better ...my anxiety in the beginning also..but after half a year i have to order so many from online pharmacys that my pscho doc want to help me and to withdraw from it...to this time i was on 1000 mg tramal per day...i want to make it in a depression house stationär (not at home dont know a better word sorry) ... the problem was i come in a room with another guest that was on opioids since 25 years and in substituion since it is possible here in germany...there are 25 guests there and he was the only ...not really luck for me...we understanding as from the first moment...in the first time i have talk and talk to him to bring me heroin and after a couple of days he done it...soon a friend from him bring me morphin in this hospitel and a big bottle of tramadol ...one time i take too much from it and get a seizure...after awaking i was so confused that i said that i have that bottle ...they dismissed me immidiately...but in this three weeks i was now the best friend of my room guy...and he shows me anything and he shows me a men who knows a guy who has morphin as much as i want... it costs me approx. 3k in month in the beginning a little less in the end a little more ...im going from 200 mg a day to 800 mg a day...it was to expensiv and i go in substitution...i was also on benzos to this time but for luck at this time not addicted so i had 3 to 4 bad days and then that was gone...they gave me 3.5ml at first after a week i was on 9ml ...they had not believed me that i was on 800 mg morphin...but it takes 3-4 days since i have no withdraw more at all...then i have 2 weeks really a beeter feeling with morphin...but after this two weeks i feel within a week really nothing at all...my depression and anxiety comes back these two the third i have writting at the beginning comes not again...but for this i take after six week benzos again...from this time i will only tell the important part of the history...after a couple of time i was tested positive by a doc they said to me i shell go to a new doc ...after the detoxication these doctor gave me my 9ml again...the first week it was ok then again bad and i go back first to zopiclon that they dont noticed it...but after a blood test they find it out and said to me to leave say immitiatelly (give me a week for a new doctor but give me only 6.5 ml in this time). I have the luck i find on who is 100 km away from me and i must visit every two weeks but he said if i get the benzos from my doc its ok and i get it at the moment. But i have no take home i can go to a pharmacy near my home (five minutes with bicycle ten whole in whole) ...so now i get only 7 ml (more this doc gives not because seeing him only one time in two weeks) but my body said meanwhile ok to it...i can take benzos against my anxiety and at the moment other antidepris was tested ...i hope at any time i can lead at least a half normal live.
Sorry for my english it was bad and it was very hard for me to tell this storry but i hop somebody can say something to it what i can do better what chances i have for a normal live etc.