Wanted as warning telling you all interested my life time storry

[JoBohrer]

Hi guys,

My live was for 20 years that live was a "normal" man lives...i make Abitur (in usa the highest school graduation you can make before uni ... then i tried a apprenticeship as a bank merchant...i must break it up because meany reasons ....firstly i got depression secondly i got a sweating illness which not allowed me to make a job with costumer contact third i get panik attacks and had very much anxiety ... a pychiator wrote me a description in the beginning for very short time but till i cannot work after this i got a long time perscription from a officce doctor...from my pschso doc it would tryed many meds all neurolepitcas or antidepressivas ...by neurolepticas i only remeber the byeffect...by antidepri only nothing...in the time i got in additon a pschotic illness...to this time i saw only two possibiltiys ... taking drugs or suicidal...but that i know would fail because im to craven ... luckily perhaps...so i began with tramadol and see the psychotik effects which was the badest at this time immidiatelly gone away...my depression to this time get better ...my anxiety in the beginning also..but after half a year i have to order so many from online pharmacys that my pscho doc want to help me and to withdraw from it...to this time i was on 1000 mg tramal per day...i want to make it in a depression house stationär (not at home dont know a better word sorry) ... the problem was i come in a room with another guest that was on opioids since 25 years and in substituion since it is possible here in germany...there are 25 guests there and he was the only ...not really luck for me...we understanding as from the first moment...in the first time i have talk and talk to him to bring me heroin and after a couple of days he done it...soon a friend from him bring me morphin in this hospitel and a big bottle of tramadol ...one time i take too much from it and get a seizure...after awaking i was so confused that i said that i have that bottle ...they dismissed me immidiately...but in this three weeks i was now the best friend of my room guy...and he shows me anything and he shows me a men who knows a guy who has morphin as much as i want... it costs me approx. 3k in month in the beginning a little less in the end a little more ...im going from 200 mg a day to 800 mg a day...it was to expensiv and i go in substitution...i was also on benzos to this time but for luck at this time not addicted so i had 3 to 4 bad days and then that was gone...they gave me 3.5ml at first after a week i was on 9ml ...they had not believed me that i was on 800 mg morphin...but it takes 3-4 days since i have no withdraw more at all...then i have 2 weeks really a beeter feeling with morphin...but after this two weeks i feel within a week really nothing at all...my depression and anxiety comes back these two the third i have writting at the beginning comes not again...but for this i take after six week benzos again...from this time i will only tell the important part of the history...after a couple of time i was tested positive by a doc they said to me i shell go to a new doc ...after the detoxication these doctor gave me my 9ml again...the first week it was ok then again bad and i go back first to zopiclon that they dont noticed it...but after a blood test they find it out and said to me to leave say immitiatelly (give me a week for a new doctor but give me only 6.5 ml in this time). I have the luck i find on who is 100 km away from me and i must visit every two weeks but he said if i get the benzos from my doc its ok and i get it at the moment. But i have no take home i can go to a pharmacy near my home (five minutes with bicycle ten whole in whole) ...so now i get only 7 ml (more this doc gives not because seeing him only one time in two weeks) but my body said meanwhile ok to it...i can take benzos against my anxiety and at the moment other antidepris was tested ...i hope at any time i can lead at least a half normal live.

Sorry for my english it was bad and it was very hard for me to tell this storry but i hop somebody can say something to it what i can do better what chances i have for a normal live etc.

Greets
Johannes

[Atron]

Welcome to the forums first of all. It looks like you've been here for a while, but it is nice to get to know your story better.

It sounds like you were doing very well in life until health issues arose. Opiate addiction can be difficult for many people. Many people feel stopping methadone is harder than heroin for example. I don't know how addicted you are but if you can avoid replacement therapy you might be better off.

You are lucky to not be addicted to benzos though - many consider them harder to discontinue than opiates.

My advice would be to try and work with your doctor to find something that works. Maybe try some cognitive-behavioural therapy if that is an option.

I hope that things get better for you. Suicide is not a good option.

You can always rely on our forums for support and good information.

[Coheed]

@jobhorer I would just like to say thanks for sharing your story. I know what its like to start taking a small amount of opoids for depression or just to feel better and before you know it become a full time junky.

I have been taking opoids for many years now but in the beginning after I got introduced to all my connections my addiction got much worse very quickly, basically because if I had the money they had an endless supply of pills and dope. I'm sure as you know pretty soon the money runs.out and your not even getting high anymore just staying well.

I think many person on here don't really understand that the tramadol use can lead to much harder opoids and since tramadol isn't scheduled, atleast for now, it is very easy to get. Anyway though really thanks again for your story but let me ask, what exactly do you mean by help? Cheers!
@JoBohrer I meant sorry. I too see you have been around a while but thanks for the history.

[Perromaldido]

Truly Jo it sounds like you're on your way to become a full blown junkie, don't get offended, because I've been there done that. Replacing Tramadol with Morphine isn't a good idea, one should replace -if not ready to kick the habit yet - with a lower degree opiate. So if you were on a gram tramadol per day in your case some strong codeine dose would have helped better...I wonder what you'd be replacing your morphine with should the source go dry (and sooner or later it will). And guess what comes to my mind? Stay safe.

Perromaldido

[frogndprincess]

Welcome. I am glad you chose to post and open up. Thats always a good sign. However, I must agree w/ @perro, M isn't a good choice. Codeine would be much better. Also, it is realitively easy to obtain. If you run out of M, you may feel "forced" to get the Junk. It's a bad, bad road. Traveled, more than once. Choices you make now will have an impact on your life for years to come. Many of us wish we could turn back time for that very reason. No lecture, just be careful.

[cherrybomb]

Thanks for sharing your story @JoBhrer

Do you have any support groups for addiction in your area? it sounds to me like you need help dealing with your addiction rather then help finding sources?

At least a lot of people here will be supportive and helpful,

All the best

[insureu]

"i got a sweating illness" - what's that all about? Like hyperhydrosis or something? Was it a sudden onset or something you have had your whole life?

[chris100]

Maybe i have something like that.... For whatever reason i go into this sweat for know reason. Could be at night or in the morning. I thought it was my blood pressure but we are doing tests as of now to see whats going on. Its not a good feeling when it happens. The people your around ask you are you ok? Just cause of the sweating. Well good luck to you.

[Demona]

@insureu he talks about panic attacks right after that so maybe he called those a sweating illness? Don't some sweat in a panic attack?

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Tramadol to morphine was a big leap, one of the bigger leaps from Tramadol but it is an addictive medication.
It looks like you are under a Doctor's guidance now?

[cherrybomb]

I think this is a language issue. What i get from it he has severe sweating while in anxiety/panic. This isn't unusual. Geez i get this from early menopause due to surgery stuff hacking all my girl parts out (hot FLASH)--poor guy probably has a complex from sweaty palms!

Cheers xo

[GoingBananas]

Hey, your story translated to me just fine. I too had mental issues that had a physical component. They have never really been treated to make a full recovery from but some days are better than others, it is a mix of depressive and anxiety type symptoms and for them nothing works better than benzos and opiates.

Unfortunately, there is no safe way to use these drugs long-term.
So, we have to do the best we can .
I agree this board is a good resource, I have about 5 steady resource. My Dr is one, my counselor is another and this board is another.

I throw it all at the wall and this is one that sticks just fine!

[Alternate]

Glad you wrote out your story.

You have different issues to address.

This is the introduction thread but a quick summary:

Anxiety: are you getting non drug threapy for that. Depending on drugs only just leads to taking more and more. Deep breathing, relaxation skills and knowledge about symptoms helps.

Your sweating was most likely something to do with anxiety, as a poster suggested, or maybe even tolerance or withdrawal if you were taking tranquilizers.

Neuroleptics and anti depressants (in combination or large doses) may bring about a psychotic type reaction.

Hope you are off the Tramadol. Way much and you got a seizure.

Then morphine. That is more what Narcotics Anonymous would help with if you have that in Germany. You have got to stop that habit.

Staying on a low dosage of tranquilizer as you learn non drug techniques for your anxiety is good.

Also maybe (with only a psychiatrist doing so) try a low dosage of one anti depressant and go from there.

Read in the forum under different sections about how many have suggestions.

[JoBohrer]

I have not read everybodys post but first thanks and i will read all later today...sweating illness should mean i sweatin much more than other people just before i take opiate ...and that everybody on the body ... and im addicted to benzos too that was false understand...i addicted to rivotril 8 mg per day for now ... will write more later and edit my post. But wanted first read all answers.

Greets
Johannes

Edit: Chris100 descripes what i mean with sweat illness

[Good Apollo]

8 mg per day of klonopin (rivitriol) would cause interdose withdrawal despite kpins long half life... Opiate WD sweating less common unless very high dosages are involved... From experience may not be true for all.

[Chancer]

@JoBoher
Just, got to read your post as I have been away for a few days. I wanted to share a little about my opiate addiction with you because it sounds very similar and I was also very young at tne time and the good thing I can share is I got off it and off it quickly.
I started taking opiates at 16yrs old and by 17yrs I was what you would call a full blown junkie. I was in my first rehab at 17 and we also had a dealer who would supply us with drugs through the back bathroom window of the rehab so when I got out everyone though I was clean and I was anything but.
Something happened to me a week before my 18th birthday and that's when I realized I needed to not only get off the drugs but, far away from the lifestyle. I know it probably deosnt feel it now but getting off the drugs is the easy part, the hard part is staying away from the lifestyle.
I spoke to my GP and he suggested a methadone maintenance programme but, that wasent for me so what I did was a fast track maintenance program me using methadone. I started on 80mg and lowered it every two weeks by 10mg. If this was too hard at a particular point I would do it by 5mg one week and 5mg the second. It was hard but, honestly not as hard as I thought it would be. Within months I was free off all opiates and moved away from my home town to another area in England. This was the only way I could avoid the people around me who where using drugs and make a new circle of friends who weren't so drug orientated. I didn't turn into an angel by any stretch of the imagination but, my lifestyle changed and I became more into clubbing and I did take recreational drugs a couple of times a month which after all I had been through suited me fine. I ended up getting a great job and going to University in my mid to late 20s and studied law. The reason I am sharing this story with you is because we all too many times hear about the failures in drug addiction but, never the successes. I am by no means an angel and I still take benzo's and party with friends but, because of my experience I am so cautious about how often I take any drug because I have the experience under my belt about how wrong it can go. The irony is I was involved in a car accident (which I wont go into detail on) and I have now been prescribed oxycontin and other opiate type drugs. Taking these makes me feel so sick to my stomach that I am having an operation to fix the break on my back so I can stop taking them as soon as humanly possible. There is light at the end off the tunnel I promise you that...all you need to do is believe in yourself and know your life is destined for better things. These things might not be great things but, just the simple pleasures off having a meal with friends without feeling shame and getting up in the morning an putting a suit on to go to work again will fill you with such a sense of pride and achievement. I promise you it can be done...I done it! The one positive thing I have noticed is that through my experience, things that can pull peoples lives apart (every day things) I tend to have the capacity to deal with these much better because I have already been to hell and back. I wish you all the best with your battle but, just fight hard enough and you can win! Sorry if this sounds a bit preachy but, I couldn't think off a better way to put my experience across. :-)

[Perromaldido]

@Chancer Hi there....thanks for sharing the story...you moved to another part of the uk to burn the bridges with the environment and your using friends, although you must have been quite motivated already because the ''geographical cure'' hardly ever works. If you want stuff you'll find it no matter where you are. Except maybe Antarctica, if you're far from the permanent bases over there, that is. Anyway, congrats to you.

[dafeet]

8 mg per day of klonopin (rivitriol) would cause interdose withdrawal despite kpins long half life... Opiate WD sweating less common unless very high dosages are involved... From experience may not be true for all.

I must experience the same as you. I have never been on a large opiate dose...max 50mg hydro in a day but rarely. Usually I kept it to 30mg a day. I have been purposely withdrawing since Saturday, and I have to say that the sweating is horrendous. Nights seem to be the worst, but it can come on at anytime.

Anyway, best of luck to you OP. It appears you have a long road ahead of you. You will, however, find a great support system here.

[Chancer]

@Chancer Hi there....thanks for sharing the story...you moved to another part of the uk to burn the bridges with the environment and your using friends, although you must have been quite motivated already because the ''geographical cure'' hardly ever works. If you want stuff you'll find it no matter where you are. Except maybe Antarctica, if you're far from the permanent bases over there, that is. Anyway, congrats to you.

Your absolutely spot on with the geographical cure, with me I so desperately wanted the change in lifestyle and the capacity to look in the mirror and eventually see that shame start to disperse slowly. I have a group off really great successful friends and only one of them knows anything about my background. I don't feel the need to explain or justify my background because its in the past and although, it will always be a part of me, I refuse to let it define me. Im not a great or wonderful person but, I am a better and more honerable person and that suits me just fine. Thank you for your kind comments :-)

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@Chancer Hi there....thanks for sharing the story...you moved to another part of the uk to burn the bridges with the environment and your using friends, although you must have been quite motivated already because the ''geographical cure'' hardly ever works. If you want stuff you'll find it no matter where you are. Except maybe Antarctica, if you're far from the permanent bases over there, that is. Anyway, congrats to you.

Your absolutely spot on with the geographical cure, with me I so desperately wanted the change in lifestyle and the capacity to look in the mirror and eventually see that shame start to disperse slowly. I have a group off really great successful friends and only one of them knows anything about my background. I don't feel the need to explain or justify my background because its in the past and although, it will always be a part of me, I refuse to let it define me. Im not a great or wonderful person but, I am a better and more honerable person and that suits me just fine. Thank you for your kind comments :-)

[foofactor]

Your absolutely spot on with the geographical cure, with me I so desperately wanted the change in lifestyle and the capacity to look in the mirror and eventually see that shame start to disperse slowly. I have a group off really great successful friends and only one of them knows anything about my background. I don't feel the need to explain or justify my background because its in the past and although, it will always be a part of me, I refuse to let it define me. Im not a great or wonderful person but, I am a better and more honerable person and that suits me just fine. Thank you for your kind comments :-)

That was one of the best statements of 'personal beliefs' I've ever read Chancer!

It never ceases to amaze me how hard we are on ourselves early on in life. *We try to measure and/or weigh or mistakes (perhaps in our 20's for many of us) as a personal judgement(s) that define who we actually are as a person. *But, speaking for myself and many close friends..we later find out that the past and the mistakes we made were very nessisary to becoming a good person. *We learn absolutely NOTHING from our accomplishments in life! *We ONLY learn from our mistakes! *I believe that many people will become a much healthier and complete person if they learn to do what you have done Chancer...by leaving the 'past' exactly where it is...in the 'past'. *And it's not left there to wipe out or forget...it's VALUABLE and should be a guide to be remembered and used to be proud of your next choices...or even just your 'behavior' itself. *Letting go of our previously 'unforgivable' actions to become an more 'honest' and 'teachable' person is a beautiful thing. And you should stop at nothing to get to know yourself enough to understand your EXTREMELY high value as a human being.