How to be what you want to be

[pseudonym]

After much meditation (and therapy) there seem to be two explicitly different ideations of who and what I want to be. Part of me wants to be Frank Gallagher from Showtime's Shameless; while on the other hand part of me wants to be like Enoch and Elijah from the Judeo-Christian tradition, who walked with God.

I feel like these two parts of my subconscious are continually warring for supremacy.

In the vanity of my imagination, I feel like I will either become the world's most evil man or the world's most righteous.

I know the truth must lie somewhere in between.

What do you do to decide who you want to be, and I don't mean doctor, lawyer, teacher, etc...I mean how do you identify yourself aside from your occupation and what steps do you take to craft yourself into the being that you wish to be?

[ethereal]

Message deletion failed... mainly b/c I couldn't find the delete button..

[pseudonym]

For purposes of clarification, if you're not into Biblical analogies, there are two other sources from which I can draw, the TV shows Lost and Carnivale. I feel like, and again this is in the vanity of my imagination, that I will either become Jacob or the Man in Black; either Ben Hawkins or Justin Crowe.

Again, what steps do you take to mold yourself into the person you want to be. How do you effect practical change in your life and how do you decide which direction to go?

I know my examples are extreme, but I'm sort of an extreme person at heart, although this extremeness generally takes second place when I'm dealing with a practical situation.

This thread is more focused on long term goals and how to reach them.

[Houdini123]

I could explain my long journey but it would take hours. This is where I am today. This last year I went thru this big time. I always said I would do this or do that if I didn't have to support my family. Well guess what I am there now. I work for my husband part time, and really make my own hours. It was the most profound thing the first day staying home and saying, ok kido..what do you really want to do with your life.


I am lucky as I don't have to make any money we are ok (so far) with that. Do I go back and get my BS degree.Do I work in an animal shelter? Do I finally work full time in my are art studio and maybe open a store?

I searched deep in my soul and the first thing I did was volunteer for a VA Hospice. The men and woman who have served or nation shouldn't die alone, so I hold there hand and help them cross over...It's amazing. Something will come to you it always does.
Sorry this is so long and probably why off topic..

[jholden40]

I love the idea that someone who starts a thread titled How to be who you want to be has taken on the username @pseudonym. Genius - a very interesting idea for a thread, though.

[pseudonym]

Is there really no one interested in effecting change in their personality and in solidifying an identity apart from work, family, friends, etc.? This is a subject that is close to my heart. I have posted a path to this end before, that I will re-post here. The first step is highly detailed and a somewhat long read. I will also include a brief summary of the second step. Unfortunately, I had made some progress on this path, but due to recent abuse of alcohol, I have lost almost everything I gained.

If the following post gets merged with this one, please take the time to read it, as I believe it could help anyone and everyone. Perhaps if we worked on this as a comunity, it would help us all to follow through and make some real progress.

[riverstyx]

aye, carumba, i have chosen to walk with the lord i serve since age three. ok, i ran 17 years as determined to have some fun.

became attorney, attack dog trainer, and licensed non denominational minister. preached a bit.

i was trained by men of god. i wanted to be like elisha. whom received double portion from elijah when he went home to glory.

there is a saying: want to make god laugh? then, u just try planning ur life.

u did not ruin anything by the alcohol. very often, god can only reach us when he allows us to suffer.

in all honesty, i am grateful i lived a very hard walk. very. as i grew to know the god i served. my late husband was born a jewish high priest. i am a christian. as is my son.

i think because i saw so much evil, was unwanted as child, abused, rather than become a witch like my older sisters whom stole my inheritance, i am grateful for every thing i have been thru.

one cannot always help another if one has not walked in similar situations. sincerely.

had i not developed autoimmunes, no cure, my son would not have researched same, gotten into college free, and have job offers galore. still in college, he seeks to help those whom need prosthetic devices, and those whom like his mom, may need full walker again, and i can look at keyboard on it, and somehow i shall be able to make left leg move, then right.

but, there r no accidents. none. but for car or such. i mean in reality.

had i not been abused and abandoned as child, i would not have sought the lord so closely.

remember, my friend, god often makes u hit rock bottom. in ur weakness, is his strength.

and, since i admit to all this, i knew, just knew, when very young, i would never have financial wealth. and yup it was stolen by late hubby and older sisters. i knew my legs would give out in public. i knew i would become homeless.

all came true. i don't like surprises and my god knows that.

call to me and i shall answer and tell u great and wonderous things.

oh, there r hundreds of them. when u have time, and quiet, u go into quiet. pray. the holy spirit will be giving u wisdom, all u need do is to ask the father in jesus' name.

i try to walk as jesus did now. or a disciple. strive for highest gifts of spirit.

but, feel free to PM if u would like to talk.

i am ill, but i am awake several hours a day.

my precious, what is happening, is god is doing a work in u. we must be least on earth to be rewarded in heaven. and third heaven, as paul alluded to? don't know what it is, but that has been my aim for so many years.

listen to that still quiet voice. ur conscience. and, read the bible. when a passage jumps at u, it is meant for u. and u will get its meaning in ur walk.

we all have our own walks to follow.

i pray that u be granted wisdom, an fresh infilling of holy spirt as per luke, and that u will also walk closely with the lord.

i still did law. all pro bono. never lost a case.

u r at a crossroads in life. god will bring people into ur life to help u then.

not to make u a carbon copy of them. to help u find ur own walk.

don't u love jonah? he told god, i am so angry i could die. i love both old and new testament. it is our lifeplan, but our love letter from god.

psalms, proverbs. wonderous. song of songs is really how the lord feels about us.

and hopefully, vice versa.

i love ur thread. ur quest for truth. may it be granted unto u. i pray.

[pseudonym]

Is there really no one interested in effecting change in their personality and in solidifying an identity apart from work, family, friends, etc.? This is a subject that is close to my heart. I have posted a path to this end before, that I will re-post here. The first step is highly detailed and a somewhat long read. I will also include a brief summary of the second step. Unfortunately, I had made some progress on this path, but due to recent abuse of alcohol, I have lost almost everything I gained.

If the following post gets merged with this one, please take the time to read it, as I believe it could help anyone and everyone. Perhaps if we worked on this as a comunity, it would help us all to follow through and make some real progress.

Step I—Mental “Mental discipline is about focusing your attention where you want it to be focused.”
A.) Thought Observation
1.) Sit or lie down
2.) Relax your entire body
3.) Close your eyes
4.) Observe your thoughts
5.) Do this for at least 10 minutes
--Notes on Thought Observation
1.) Take the position of a silent observer, completely free and independent of these thoughts
2.) Do not forget yourself and do not lose the train of thoughts.
3.) Observe attentively.
4.) You are observing your unintentional, reactionary awareness with your intentional awareness.
5.) The object is to keep from getting sucked in by these thoughts and to simply observe.
6.) Do not let the thoughts influence or excite your thinking.
7.) The goal here is to separate yourself from your own surface mind.

B.) Discipline of Thoughts
1.) Do everything with complete awareness and full consciousness.
--Notes on the Discipline of thoughts
1.) When you’re at work, think only about work. When you’re at home, think only about things related to the home.
2.) Do this whether you are dealing with something major or with something minor.
3.) Make your thoughts pertain only to the task at hand.
4.) It is about focusing your attention where you want it to be focused.
5.) Keep your attention focused on what you are physically doing in the present moment instead of involving yourself with the mind chatter.
6.) Practice this for the rest of your life.

C.) One-pointedness of Thought
1.) Hold on to one thought or idea for at least 10 minutes.
2.) Suppress, resist, and reject all other thoughts that come up and try to obtrude on you.
3.) Keep your attention focused where you want it, on the thought or idea. Each time your attention wanders, bring it back to the chosen subject.
D.) Emptiness of Mind
1.) Sit or lie down
2.) Relax your entire body
3.) Close your eyes
4.) Dismiss and reject any thought that comes upon you
5.) Nothing is allowed to appear or happen in your mind
6.) There must be absolute vacancy
7.) Hold on to this emptiness without digressing or forgetting yourself for at least 10 minutes
--Notes on the Emptiness of Mind
1.) Focus your intentional awareness directly on the silence of the emptiness. Do not focus on your breathing or similar. Focus solely upon the empty mind itself.
2.) Focusing on breathing or similar diverts the mind but does not directly address the problem.
3.) Your mind should be empty of not only thoughts, but emotions, physical sensations, and any other distractions as well. You should be focused entirely inside your own mind. You’re going inside yourself, like when you’re dreaming. When you’re dreaming, you’re not really aware of anything but what’s in your mind.
4.) Exclude thinking, feeling, and physical sensation. Focus exclusively upon pure perception without interpretation.
5.) Turn your attention away from distractions-such as thinking, feeling, physical sensation-and turn it toward the silence.
6.) Shift your attention completely away from its involvement with thoughts and thinking and focus it instead on the peaceful silence that exists in the absence of thought.
7.) Practice this exercise for the rest of your life, deepening it.
Mental discipline is about focusing your attention where you want it to be focused.










Step I—Personality/Character/Emotional
A.) Introspection and self-knowledge
1.) Examine or observe one’s own characteristics.
2.) Record all your negative characteristics.
3.) Be pitiless and very strict with yourself when it comes to your shortcomings, failings, habits, passions, urges and any other negative character traits.
4.) Be unrelenting towards yourself and do not glorify any of your failings and shortcomings.
5.) Think about yourself in quiet meditation, put yourself back into different situations of your past, and remember how you behaved then and what mistakes, failures, and shortcomings occurred in the various situations.
6.) Record all weaknesses in their finest nuances and variations. The more you discover the better. Nothing should remain hidden; everything should be unveiled, whether the failings and weaknesses, faults or frailties, be significant or insignificant.
7.) Wash your soul perfectly clean; sweep all the dust out of it.
8.) Through very deep and intensive contemplation, try to assign each of your negative characteristics to one of the four elements. If you are unsure where to put a trait, put it in a category labeled unknown.
9.) Meditate on each characteristic in the above-mentioned categories and divide them again into three groups and record them in your diary.
a. Group 1: Those negative characteristics that influence you the most and create
the greatest problems, even under the most trivial circumstances.
b. Group 2: Negative characteristics that occur less frequently and have less of an
influence.
c. Group 3: Negative characteristics that occur infrequently and have very little
influence on you.
10.) Do all of the above exercises for you positive character traits as well.

--Notes on Introspection and Self-Knowledge
1.) Work conscientiously at all times; it is worthwhile.
2.) What is required here is a radical self-honesty. The student must ruthlessly
penetrate through all of his/her illusions regarding who they are and how they act in
the world, and excavate the unadorned root of the matter.
3.) Remember that the unsavory parts that you uncover are simply who you are at this
moment in time -- never forget that you have the power to change these parts of
yourself!
4.) The point of this exercise is not to simply make you feel bad about yourself, but
rather, it is to clearly define where you must begin in the process of self-change. If
you do not have a clear grasp upon who you really are, then you have no reliable
means of knowing what you wish to become, nor little means of getting there.

5.) In this process of self-change, the student transforms what is already present into
something better. It is not a method which simply rids your personality of its
negative aspects. Instead, it takes the energy of a negative aspect and changes it into
a comparable positive manifestation. Here nothing is discarded or lost -- it is all
transformed.
6.) Simply observe how you feel about each aspect of your character, not what you think about your traits, but what you feel in the immediate moment without thinking.
7.) Emotions are the medium you are working with, just as the mind was the medium you were working with in the section of mental exercises.
8.) When assigning traits to the elements, don’t overanalyze and go with what feels correct.
Step I—Physical
1.) Eat a balanced diet, get good sleep, fully wake up and refresh yourself in the morning, get a reasonable amount of exercise.
2.) To sum it up, live a healthy and balanced lifestyle.

Step II: Learn to control each of your senses through imagination. For example, imagine a red ball. This image must not move. It is like you are staring at it with your minds eye. Do this first with eyes closed then with eyes open. Continue with the rest of your senses, but make sure that if, for example, you are imagining the ticking of a clock that you imagination is purely auditory. Do not visualize/imagine the clock, only the sound. Multiple sense concentration will come in the third step. These exercises will build your willpower and your creativity.

The next part of Step II relates to the character transformation of which I spoke earlier.

The basic approach is as follows: be conscious of what you are doing in the present moment. When you realize you're about to do something that you've decided you want to stop doing, say a positive, present tense, specific, and personal affirmation. Then replace the negative reaction with a positive response.

The key here is the difference between a reaction and a response. A reaction is automatic and a response is thought out. The whole point of everything is to gear yourself towards responses rather than reaction.

Again, formulate an affirmation and a replacement action, a response rather than a reaction.

[willonia]

“This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.”-Dalai Lama

I was raised a Christian but have since become an agnostic. But I still think the philosophy I was exposed to as a child when I was forced to go to church (I thought it was boring) molded me into the person I am today. My goal is just to be an asset to the world, be kind to people, respect their beliefs (cause I believe some crazy sh!t lol), and help people when I can. Not sure if that's the answer you were looking for.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Seriously, I honestly believe in the 'fake it till you make it' concept. Put another way, if one wants to be a certain way, act that way, and soon that is how you are. And always be nice. That one's a little tougher for me, but I try.

Everyone sees life and the value of intense introspection differently. Remember @pseudonym, we have a lot of readers here that choose not to post. So continue to post your journey if you are so inclined. We don't always get replies.

Sincerely,

Fire

[pseudonym]

I seem to be riding a wave, ups and downs, times where I'm very excited to do the work and times when I don't feel like doing anything at all. I think a group dynamic would help keep me focused.

Is anyone interested in working on this as a sort of group experiment, to motivate each other and see where we end up?

All of the exercises have been taken from Franz Bardon's Initiation into Hermetics. Check it out on Amazon, it has 66 reviews and has an overall average of 4.7 out of 5 stars.

If anyone is interested let me know and maybe we can get a group together. I feel like working on this with folks from this forum would be great, as we all have issues, whether anxiety, pain, insomnia...etc.

Lets overcome our issues and live a new life!

[billyboy1965]

I seem to be riding a wave, ups and downs, times where I'm very excited to do the work and times when I don't feel like doing anything at all.

Maybe you're bipolar.

And then this: Unfortunately, I had made some progress on this path, but due to recent abuse of alcohol, I have lost almost everything I gained.

Perhaps an indication of self-medicating a "different personality."

Given your screen name as someone pointed out, I'm baffled by this entire subject.

I don't understand why anyone would pursue personality or character changes if he is content and at peace. It would rock the boat.

If you are talking about split personalities or split lifestyles, talk to any gay person who was around in the 70's when two lives were required to survive: The straight business man or macho machine worker or carpenter OR the underground at night quaalude popping disco dancing queer or even worse, drag queen with size 14 feet. And that literally was night and day.

Things are different now but those of us around back then still function like that today. I do not at all discuss my sexuality like I do here in my "offline" character.

This eludes me.

[dannyboy868]

This thread has some great ideas for relaxation, etc. I was diagnosed with bipolar and other things at age 19. It turned my world upside down. Its good to be amongst others who care Peace, Daniel

[billyboy1965]

I was diagnosed with bipolar and other things at age 19.


It turned my world upside down.


l

I am as well. No slam in my post intended.

My good shrink turned it right side up.