This will be long, but I want to give a decent history of my situation, so apologies in advance for the long-winded post. :\
Basically, I don't have a lot of choices in my city for good psychiatrists. I have been with my psychiatric nurse practitioner for close to seven years.
I have bipolar NOS with GAD, social anxiety and panic. Anxiety runs rampant throughout my family and in addition, I'm noticing that the week before my period intensifies the anxiety to extreme levels. Now for some peculiar reason, my entire family can take .025 mg of Xanax and get fast relief from anxiety, but I started out resistant to benzos. The very first time I took .025 mg of Xanax, I felt nothing. 10 mg of Valium was like a sugar pill. Nothing short of 2 mg of Klonopin works.
Lamictal was a life saver for years and got rid of my panic, but it returned this year with a vengeance.
The problem is this: my psych n/p's case load has obviously increased and she has always been a bulldozer of a woman. She has a very strong personality and for an anxious weakling like myself, I am easily shushed up and ushered out of her office. It wasn't much of a problem until recently.
While I had been on Klonopin only as needed, once the panic returned, my psych n/p started me back on 2 mg of Klonopin per day, something that also worked very well in addition to Lamictal.
But...she plays this game with me. She writes on the script to take 2 mg per day, but doesn't give me enough to get to the next appointment. She forced me to wait two months to make another appointment with her (long story there due to weaning off another medication), and didn't give me the right amount of Klonopin to get through two months. I tried to tell her that in my last appointment and she mumbled some non-answer and that was that.
I struggled and somehow managed to stretch the Klonopin out to last me until the next appt. (which is next Saturday), but my quality of life has been terrible. I don't go out nearly as much because I just don't have enough medication to do it, and going out without it isn't an option. I know some people have managed to do yoga or meditation and get past it, but I'm not at that point. I can't even go to my parents' house without taking something first. Food is a huge trigger and wherever I have to eat or see food, that's a sure sign that panic will appear. And of course, most people want to share a meal together. Klonopin makes it possible for me, and even then I can only pick at the food.
That is one of my triggers, and to eat, I need to be alone. I can't even eat at the table with my husband.
Anyway, I know she will do the same thing to me again next Saturday. She'll give me the script saying take two per day and not give me enough and I do not know how to get through to her that it's not enough. I've always used it only as directed and have never once called her office for more no matter what. I don't doctor shop and I've used the same pharmacy for years.
My question is, how can I get through to this woman that I need X amount of pills to get to the next appointment (whenever that will be)? She thinks I have some stash left over when I don't. The only thing I can think of is to take the empty bottle to her and say, "Look, there's nothing left."
Changing isn't an option yet. I do have someone else I may seek a second opinion from, but it's not something I can do just yet.
Any advice? I don't want to appear like some kind of abuser, but I just want to not have anxiety over a prescription. One day I hope to be free again and only use it as needed, but for right now, I'm still in a very precarious state and taking it daily stabilizes me.
TIA for reading this and for any advice you might have.