5 Things Parents Shouldn't Say to Their Kids

[Joe willie]

"I don't care."
Little kids love to share details...of their playground conversations with friends, of the cloud formation they think looks like a sea serpent, of why they squeezed an entire tube of toothpaste into the bathtub. And sometimes? Parents just don't want to hear the specifics. But beware of saying "I don't care!" because you're cutting off communication with your child and saying that something important to him or her isn't so important to you. "Most parents have a difficult time once children reach the adolescent stages and complain that their teens are not communicative with them. Well, the question must be asked then, 'How has the parent-child communication been nurtured throughout the child's life?'" says Melinda Garcia, a licensed clinical social worker with ESCAPE Family Resource Center in Houston. "The process of parent-child communication must evolve positively over the years. There's an unspoken trust that occurs when communication is nurtured." Try this: Garcia recommends that parents let the child know an issue can be discussed later, perhaps at a better time when the parent is more focused. She stresses, however, that parents must follow through. "Don't let the day end without addressing your child's need to share with you."

"Act your age!"
Your daughter is seven years old but you think she's acting like she's three...and you tell her so. Pincus says this common reaction is less about the child's behavior and all about the parent trying to manage his or her own frustration. The child may, in fact, be acting their age. "It's just not working out for the parent," she says. "It makes us feel better in the moment." The result? Kids hear their parents criticizing them at a time when they, as children, are having trouble and perhaps need some help gaining control. Try this: Says Pincus, "When you are stirred up, just take that pause. Come up with an effective response instead of a reaction. Most of what we do is a knee-jerk reaction. That pause helps to get that adrenaline down so you can get the thinking part of your brain working instead of the emotional part of the brain."

"Say you're sorry!"
Your preschooler takes a toy from another child and makes him or her cry. You instantly tell your child to say sorry for his or her actions. You're trying to teach your child to be compassionate, which is a laudable goal. But "forcing a child to apologize does not teach a child social skills," says Bill Corbett, a parent educator, author, and producer/host of the parenting TV show "Creating Cooperative Kids." Young children don't automatically understand why they have to apologize. Corbett says that if parent forces a child to say they are sorry, "it could delay the child's natural acceptance" of apologizing. Try this: Apologize to the child for your kid as a way to model the behavior you're trying to encourage. And make sure that when you're in situations where an apology is warranted, you deliver it just as easily.

"Don't you get it?"
You've taught your kid how to catch a baseball five times over. Or how to add and subtract fractions. But when your child shows signs that it's not clicking for him or her, you hastily ask, "Don't you get it?" Learning specialist and author Jill Lauren tells Team Mom on Shine that this comment is degrading. "If the child 'got it,' which he desperately wants to do in order to please his parent, it would be clear. Implicit in a 'don't you get it' comment are the judgments of 'Why don't you get it?' followed by 'What's wrong with you for not getting it?' While a parent may not mean to send those messages, that is the message the child receives." Try this: Take a break. If you're stuck on how to teach your child something, step away. Return to the "lesson" when you're ready to try again, perhaps after researching alternative approaches to teaching whatever it is your child is trying to learn.

"I'm going to leave without you!"
Your kid refuses to leave the toy store or a park and you are going to be late for an appointment. So you issue an ultimatum sure to freak your child out: "I'm going to leave without you!" For young kids, fear of parental abandonment is very real. But what happens when your threat doesn't work? "The biggest problem is that we want our kids to believe what we say. For a whole host of reasons, we need our kids to believe us. If you want them to believe what we say is true, we cannot say something
that is patently false," says Deborah Gilboa, a family doctor, parenting speaker, and mom of four boys. The result is that the child quickly learns that mom or dad makes empty threats. "Parents say it because they don't know what else to do...it's a bad idea," says Dr. Gilboa: "You need to strive not to make empty threats. If you plant a flag, you have to defend it...say what you mean and follow through." Try this: Don't tell your kids you're going to leave without them. Instead, plan ahead. Chances are high that you've seen your child behave this way before. You know what will trigger a tantrum. What will you say if your child throws a fit or refuses to leave? "It's okay to identify unacceptable behavior," says Dr. Gilboa. "You can tell them it's not acceptable but you have to motivate them with a consequence that you can carry out."

U agree???

5 Things Parents Shouldn't Say to Their Kids | Team Mom - Yahoo! Shine

[naughtysmurf]

I agree with everything except...."i'm going to leave without you!"
At Wal-Mart there is no other choice. And trust me,she follows!

[sambob]

Is it ok to tell your kid that you're going to lock them in the closet when we get home, cuz i say that all the time? She knows I'm joking!

[Roswell1947]

When I was a kid my parents would warn me that
"Santa may not come this year.." That worked.

[bambino]

When we were really little, my mother used to say, " Wait until your father gets home!"
Even though nothing ever happened when he did, it always scared us a little when he first came through the door.

[sambob]

@bambino, something happened when my father got home, usually a good beating or maybe a backhand to the face, ah the joy of growing up, fortunately he is a changed man, but I don't know that I've gotten over it. Do you ever get over it? I just try and practice patience with my kids b/c I know I have it in my to go off and become an angry man, I don't wanna be how my father was. Now he's an amazing father/grandfather. He actually takes care of my kids, most grandfathers of my ethnicity hold a kid for a minute and then pass it on to the nearest women....

[bambino]

@sambob I'm sorry about that.
What matters now is that he's a good grandfather...and you're going to be an even better father :-)

My father never hit us, but my mother used to chase us around the house with a wooden spoon screaming like a lunatic---but she never caught us! :-b

[calamityjane]

Nice post~I agree~

Ah yessss, the dreaded wooden spoon, my Mom always caught me because I thought that if I hid my head under a pillow I would disappear, it backfired and I left my tush ripe for the picking. In those days, spanking was approved. My Mom got it with a piece of garden hose from my Grandma. Ouch.

[naughtysmurf]

My daughter has a couple of REALLY annoying/bitchy friends,if one of them was my kid i would say ALL FIVE of the "what not to say" suggestions in one sentence

[Good-Girly]

awe, reading that makes me feel sad, 'I dont care' how awful.... I think everything can be taken out of context in the heat of the moment, with children patience is paramount.

I have a 10 month old, and feel blessed everyday.

[barkingmad]

I would add a 6th if you have daughters:
"You should date a musician, not that boring college kid."

[naughtysmurf]

awe, reading that makes me feel sad, 'I dont care' how awful.... I think everything can be taken out of context in the heat of the moment, with children patience is paramount.

I have a 10 month old, and feel blessed everyday.

I have a six year old daughter that i love more than life itself,feeling blessed does not even begin to describe how i feel! I was just joking....

[Demona]

I probably did the apologize one at some point but in the same regard when he would apologize at home, I would stop whatever I was doing to ask him "and what does sorry mean?"
"Sorry means you will try really hard NOT to do it again or say it again."
"So are you sorry?"
"yes"
Which got shortened over the years to sorry means you won't do it again so at the same time I taught him what sorry meant and expected him to know and understand that before he apologized to anyone for anything.

[Good-Girly]

@naughtysmurf I knew you were joking - parenting is amazing

[Demona]

I was also never afraid to apologize if I was wrong or short with him.

[salizander]

@sambob My parents used to hit me too.

My dad would hit me with his leather belt.

My mom would smack me across my face so hard that blood vessels in my cheeks and temples would break.

And no, you never get over it...

[mimi]

Something that a kid shouldn't be saying to their parents is "Shup Bit*h". I was recently at the park with my daughter, and I heard a little girl who was only about two years old say, "Shup Bit*h" to her mother. Oh my, kids these days

[naughtysmurf]

@sambob My parents used to hit me too.

My dad would hit me with his leather belt.

My mom would smack me across my face so hard that blood vessels in my cheeks and temples would break.

And no, you never get over it...

Hun,i just wanna clarify that i did not click like on your post because i liked it,obviously. But i want you to know how awful i feel for you and give you my support! Love you sweetie

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Something that a kid shouldn't be saying to their parents is "Shup Bit*ch". I was recently at the park with my daughter, and I heard a little girl who was only about two years old say, "Shup Bit*ch" to her mother. Oh my, kids these days

The sad thing is,that little girl probably learned that from home

[teresita]

My daughter (adult now) said the worst thing I said to her through all of our rough teen years and all was "Im really dissappointed in you" I dont even remember why I said that. Once she was around 15-18 she was a snippy little know it all teen and would try to push me to the limits. But Ive gone crazy over silly things and she doesnt remember that. Im glad the teen years are over.

[naughtysmurf]

@teresita,oh god! The teen years! Sscccaarrred (rocking back and forth)
@mimi07, hold me?