Calling Dr. Freud: Therapy, 12-Step, Analysis

[IGoeOn]

I told my husband the other day that I had completed a transaction online the other day. He generally deals with the bills and there was a foreign transaction fee on the statement when I checked it. I decided to 'fess up - I am a person who would rather say that I am sorry than ask for permission. My DH wasn't super cool with the whole thing, to be honest. I understood his reaction - I anticipated his reaction. That's why I didn't tell him to begin with. . .

Which just got me thinking about secrets. The secrets we keep from our family - even the secrets we keep from ourselves. I can lie to myself really well - too well. "This is FINE. I am FINE." All of you steppers have got me thinking about the old adage "we are only as sick as our secrets" . . .

Are you guys up front about your online activities with your partners or spouses? Are they on board or not so much?

[sophie30]

I am completely up front about everything with mine @IGoeOn , there was a thread about that awhile back and I was surprised by how many have to lie, even get p.o. boxes, or at least are met with disapproval. It made me feel fortunate that I feel safe being honest with my husband and he never really says a word about it. The only time I heard anything about it was the one time I got scammed by a vendor, understandably so.

[IGoeOn]

Also, is my avatar inappropriate? Baaahahahahahahahha

[sophie30]

Hahahaha personally I love it. There are those with issues with avs with overweight people, but that guy is owning it, lol.

[TenaciousE]

@IGoeOn I think it is hysterical. I did like the Mrs. Bush avatar too, but I vote you keep this one for awhile.

[Demona]

@IGoeOn mine supports my decision and there are no secrets. He also goes to the Dr with me, knows the full situation and has seen me in tears with some that were very cold about the pain. He's sat in on the ones who weren't so cold. He knows it all.
There's a few times when something has come up so I delay ordering anything out of guilt for the money spent. He gets furious with me. He hates seeing me when I am in pain with nothing to ease it. He'll fight the battle with me at any Dr office or ER. He's actually probably MORE outspoken about my needs than I am because it makes him so angry.

[IGoeOn]

@Demona - I think that's awesome. I have decided to go to a f2f doctor next week to talk about the prescription in question. I am going to see about continuing with it. My husband does support that choice. I have been lucky with PM - I see folks who are helping me.

[IGoeOn]

I had my weekly session yesterday. It wasn't terrible but it got me thinking about things. And I realize that is the point - but I am a very resistant person.

I used to write (journal) all the time. Like, almost obsessively. I felt like if I didn't record things on paper it was like they never existed. When I was young I wanted to be a writer - as a career. Around the time when my father died I abruptly stopped writing. I didn't even think about it - I just stopped. To some degree I felt like my writing contributed to me getting stuck in emotional states. It felt very indulgent - I was very self-absorbed. I convinced myself that it was a bad thing.

Yesterday I became aware that I felt really stuck. I spend so many resources on my analysis - time (my most precious resource), money, energy. I feel like I need to do something differently - even if that means sitting in a different place during my sessions. (Baby steps, baby steps - what about Bob? What about Bob?) I am not sure I can go back to writing. I need to work on being more self-aware and communicating. I am so bounded in my thinking and my sharing. I think that's why this anonymous group is helpful.

It is hard to want to do something and to then feel like I am always getting in my own way. And I think that's what it is - one part fighting another part. It's exhausting.

[temp]

So glad to see this thread started hear. My best friend has been going through and alcohol addiction for the last three years. She starts the morning off with a glass of vodka just to take the edge off. You can see the changes in her appearance and the toll it has taken on her. I did get her to go into rehab insurance would only pay for 2 weeks first thing she did on the way home from rehab was buy a bottle of Vodka. Her dad is an alcoholic and her mom is an alcoholic. Her mom had a stroke 4 years ago left her paralized on one side. The effects of her heavy drinking. Her mom still has not stopped but her dad has been clean for 12 years now. Her cousin a recoverd heroin addict also clean for 10 years now. Rehab did nothing for him. What finally helped for him was Hionosis combined with outpatient therapy (meds for the withdrawl). We have all her dad me her cousin been trying to help her. She has now gotten to the point she wont leave the house, her personal hygene has gone down I mean its horrible to watch. But I know there is nothing we can really do until she makes up her mind that she needs help. Unfortunately I believe she is going to have to hit rock bottom or something drastic has to happen before she seeks help and follows through with it.

[Good Apollo]

@IGoeOn my wife knows I get meds from OPs- she's come with me to many dif appointments and seen the kinda blown off you're too young to have that pain response I gt and she knows I research what I am doing... She's doesn't know what I specifically take but knows that I switched from my docs PKs to codeine which are weaker and take something for sleep at night... But she doesn't know exact details... But knows where the meds are if She ever wanted to look or ask.. Wouldn't lie.

[billyboy1965]

My best friend has been going through and alcohol addiction for the last three years. She starts the morning off with a glass of vodka just to take the edge off.

If she goes the route of my partner, that won't last long. In the mid 80's when I was employed and worked downtown, my partner also worked downtown. We would meet for lunch one or two days a week and usually have a martini. Puts us in our mid 20s. People did that back then.

After work when we got home we'd have cocktails. One or two Tanqueray and tonics for me, three or four Dewars on the rocks for him.

For dinner I'd have a few glasses of wine and he'd finish the bottle. That was my alcohol consumption for the day. Not his. After the wine, back to Dewars on the rocks. Two or three with the last empty glass on the night stand.

Nothing for me in the morning (at least one passed question on the "are you an alcoholic" questionnaire). Vodka and cranberry for him, right out of bed.

Early 90's he landed the job of a lifetime. First class business travel around the world. Zillion mile frequent flyer member. Big salary. Fancy cars. Designer clothes. Dinners out. I quit my job so I could fly around with him. Didn't cost a penny. Australia, Hawaii, name it. WAY too much money at his young age. Companies were extravagant back then.

At the end of December, late 90's, he got "real" sick. I took him to emergency and that was the last I talked to him for three months. Induced coma; Acute pancreatitis.

Party's over. That scared him away from alcohol and put him in rehab and treatment. Lost the job "without cause." Unfortunately the worst was yet to come for him. Scared me too, although for the better. Liquor was removed from the house. Went back to work doing what I do now. Tables were turned.

[H20shed65]

@billyboy1965

Yikes! That had to be really hard for both of you. Every addict /alcoholic has a different bottom. For some, a missed day at work or a minor run in with the police is enough to get their attention and motivate them to addresses their issue in whatever fashion suits them. For others, prison, homelessness, ostracization from family and friends , multiple hospitalizations and so on aren't enough to make them realize that if what you are doing is not working, you should stop doing it.

Most of us fall somewhere in between those two extremes, but we all share at least one thing in common: We can't have just 1. 1 pill, 1 drink, 1 line; whatever.

I was the alcoholic who finally realized that having just one drink was both not possible and pointless; why bother? My bottom crept up on me slowly , almost like weight gain, bit by bit until you realize that what was once fun or enjoyable had become consuming and tiring. When I say I got sick and tired of being sick and tired, that's not 12 step dogma, it's genuinely how I felt. I was drinking at least 2 bottles of wine a night and often more,; but never before 5:00pm! Somehow the fact that I didn't drink during the day and drank "good" wine allowed me to continue the illusion that I didn't have a problem.

This works pretty well in your 20's & 30's, but at 48, you don't bounce back like you used to. I was taking Prilosec everyday, drinking Gatorade all night and morning, and no matter how busy I was I made sure I had time to get my wine every day. That became extremely important to me; go figure. Waking up 7 days a week exhausted, sick, nauseous , achy and hungover just kind of got old.

I had and have friends in AA/NA and started going to meetings with the support of my partner who is about as far from an addict as one can get. We've been together nearly 12 years and I doubt he's had a drink a year in all that time. Neither of us use drugs and have not circa long time, not that he really ever did, but I certainly did when I was a lot younger.
Not conducive to our line of work anyway.

And as for being open about what I order on here with him, the answer is yes. I originally ended up here because our insurance company UHC would not cover his Cialis or Avodart and I order diet pills now too. The Cialis and Avodart are much cheaper through IOP's than here in the US. As an interesting aside, because UHC refused to pay $185.00 a month for my partners Avodart, he just cancelled our company health insurance with them costing them $800,000.00 every 6 months. A drop in the bucket to them I'm sure, but they've been calling the main office every day for 3 weeks trying to get him to reconsider, but he's pissed and that's not going to happen. So our broker has been shopping around for a new carrier.

Wrong thread but can I just close with this? I wish I wasn't an atheist at times, I 'd love to think insurance companies would eventually end up roasting in Hell.

[billyboy1965]

I 'd love to think insurance companies would eventually end up roasting in Hell.

I am happy my partner's did not. His hospital bill was $560,000. Didn't pay a cent.

But, to bring it back on topic, the opiate abuse to satisfy his cravings, which lead to crack abuse, landed us a hefty tax lien on the house, as well as a restraint on the one joint checking account.

That is the cost of abuse. And how do addicts negatively impact the lives around them? That lien could have cost me my life, health, and securities licenses, which effectively ends my career. If a CFP can't manage his own debt, he certainly can't manage other peoples' money. And I was an innocent party.

[IGoeOn]

I am wondering what your thoughts are about the 12-steps and eating disorders. Many years ago I lived in a big city and they had an OA meeting specifically for anorexics and bulimics - they had (I think) a week of programs around the city. I went to them many times when I was cracking but I never went through the process of getting a sponsor, etc. I was not sure if I wouldn't be allowed to drink and I never could get over the abstinence idea because we're talking about an anorexic and food. I think I just fought it because I needed something to fight against. Anyway. . .

[MattMar]

@IGoeOn

My experience with therapy also was very emotionally difficult however it finally allowed me to come to know who I am and not the person I became as a result of living in survival mode. When I understood the ways I could overcome the destructive thoughts and actions which was my pilot through life, I started to come to know that life can be better than I ever dreamed or knew. Don't misunderstand me, life is difficult at times, yet therapy led me to tools which have helped me live life. Stick with it, it's a process and takes time but for me it led to a new dimension of being.

*This post was auto-merged. The following text was added 4 minutes after the last post:*
You weren't desperate enough I think. 12 step does work if you are willing to take all the "suggestions" and not put other things above your "ism".

[cashman1]

I am wondering what your thoughts are about the 12-steps and eating disorders. Many years ago I lived in a big city and they had an OA meeting specifically for anorexics and bulimics - they had (I think) a week of programs around the city. I went to them many times when I was cracking but I never went through the process of getting a sponsor, etc. I was not sure if I wouldn't be allowed to drink and I never could get over the abstinence idea because we're talking about an anorexic and food. I think I just fought it because I needed something to fight against. Anyway. . .

I would definitely look into OA meetings in your area. I can tell you from experience though - you have to get a sponsor and go through the steps with your sponsor. If you do not do it that way, then you are not really involved in any sort of 12-step program.

Remember life only comes at you one day at a time!

[IGoeOn]

Ug. Nevermind. Onward and upward.

[H20shed65]

@IGoeOn

Suck it up girl!!! JK!

I know, I'm a dick!

FYI- You can whine....I mean open up about your issues with me via PM and I'll only bill you 75% of your analysts rate! But I'm only offering 50 minutes too!

[poocheroo]

@IGoeOn , interesting about your therapist. I often had transference issues with mine. I found myself becoming attached to her and then angry at her for abandoning at the end of each 5o minute session. I finally told her point blank what I was feeling and focused on it quite a bit. Turns out those emotions and discussing them were some of the more productive sessions I had with her in terms of me having some big Ah Ha moments. PM me if you want to chat further. Oops, looks like our time is up.

[IGoeOn]

Ug. Therapy yesterday followed by a late night email to therapist. Delightful. I probably would have forgotten about the email but she phoned me this morning and reminded me. Great.

I am a bit dissociative. Not new - always have. Traumatic childhood, yada yada yada. I am moderately dissociative - I have friends who are significantly so - diagnosis of DID, etc. whatever. It's pretty common in my neck of the woods.

I have always struggled with physical touch. I basically want my therapist to hold me when I am really upset. It's weird. There are so many boundaries that exist for very important reasons regarding analysis and touch but I think the field is slowing changing its perception of touch in therapy. I find physical contact very grounding. I just finished this article that references several of my favorite authors - I thought some of you more psychologically-minded folks would appreciate it.

http://www.integrazioneposturale.it/varieftp/eiden.pdf

At my dear @poocheroo - don't I know. Wish I could say more but our time's up.