Calling Dr. Freud: Therapy, 12-Step, Analysis

[IGoeOn]

We talk (I talk) a lot on this forum about things other than prescriptions. I decided to create a space for people who are in some type of treatment to share about that part of their lives - a dedicated thread to this topic. I know some of you are in therapy, twelve-step programs - I know some of you have gone through treatment programs, detox, or DBT. I know some of you have spouses and partners who struggle with addition and destruction. If you want to talk about your present or your past as it relates to these topics feel free.

I have been in some kind of therapy for over half of my life. I am currently in analysis with a therapist that I have been seeing since my last inpatient treatment back in 2001. I find the whole process to be very painful emotionally - I sometimes wonder why I continue down this path. I wonder when I'll be done. I wonder if I am addicted to my weekly meeting. Then I wonder if that is a bad thing.

My session yesterday was really difficult. We spoke about my issues around dependency (on people), my trouble with real emotional intimacy, and my difficult childhood. I tend to roll around inside myself when things get too tough - the feeling lasts for days. I am struggling with that right now. I am trying to distract myself with my kids, my plans for this weekend, this forum.

My new friend @jcorsig () started a great thread last night about personal histories. It actually broke my heart but I appreciated it. Thank you for sharing yourself with - us. I plan on heading over there and contributing in a bit. It's never good to be alone.

IG

[brienzi]

Great thread @IGoeOn the 12 step program is one that i've been through and one that has helped me beat a demon that haunted me years, the white powder..
Gonna keep this simple,.. if one feels like there is no where else to go, and life is beating u down cause of substance abuse and what not, then u should check it out..
There is no judgement passed, there is free coffee(and snacks at some meetings) and a chance to connect with people who are in the same boat...
However, like anything in life, u get what u give..and if you work it, u will see the results many times over.

[IGoeOn]

Yes, so I am feeling better today. It usually takes me a few nights of sleeping to feel like myself. I am glad . . .

I could *never* work in the mental health field. I have so many friends that are MSW's and counselors - ug. While I am not borderline (REALLY) my behavior is not always easy to deal with - and it certainly was very difficult years ago. I don't know how clinicians listen to so much pain and then get on with their daily lives.

[sophie30]

I find the whole process to be very painful emotionally - I sometimes wonder why I continue down this path.

IG

Because to get past anything, you have to go through it first. There's no getting to the other side without it. It's painful and it takes time, but its the only way there, and the only path to freedom. It also takes a lot of courage and a lot of people can't do it, congrats to you on facing your demons. You are BRAVE.

[H20shed65]

@IGoeOn ( aka Mrs Bush)

I would like to contribute about my 5 years in AA but of course would not want to violate my own anonymity! I'd be glad to post a variety of torrid tales I pick up from meetings and sponsees however!

Seriously though, great idea as I'm sure I'm not the only Friend of Bills or NA member trolling these rooms. My home is AA but I also do NA from time to time because they are so very similar. My story: Come from a long line of drinkers and followed in the family footsteps , as it were. Been sober over 5 years now and while I really didn't have any great horror stories like many of my fellow travelers , I got sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I don't agree with everything in the 12 step programs but I do value the experiences of others and I find that when I help others in the program it gets me out of my head, if only for a while. As an Atheist, it has been tough at times, but I have learned from other members in both fellowships to take exactly what I need from the rooms and leave the rest for someone else. That philosophy has always served me well.

I don't judge others and don't care if they judge me. I can control only my own thoughts, actions and reactions, although there are certainly times when I wish I had the power to control people & situations around me.

[sophie30]

Same @H20shed65, I abused drugs on occasion, but alcohol is the only thing I had a real problem with and man, did I try EVERYTHING before I too became sick and tired of being sick and tired. It took my always strong and stoic husband, scarred by his own mothers drinking and absence, sitting on the floor with tears streaming down his face, looking like I imagine he felt so many times as a little boy, as I at-home detoxed for the umpteenth time for it to smack me in the face. I was done. They say you can't quit for anyone else, but I felt so much pain having done that to him that I knew I had two choices, leave him or quit. I love him. More than drinking, myself, or anything else. I haven't had a sip since.

[H20shed65]

Same @H20shed65, I abused drugs on occasion, but alcohol is the only thing I had a real problem with and man, did I try EVERYTHING before I too became sick and tired of being sick and tired. It took my always strong and stoic husband, scarred by his own mothers drinking and absence, sitting on the floor with tears streaming down his face, looking like I imagine he felt so many times as a little boy, as I at-home detoxed for the umpteenth time for it to smack me in the face. I was done. They say you can't quit for anyone else, but I felt so much pain having done that to him that I knew I had two choices, leave him or quit. I love him. More than drinking, myself, or anything else. I haven't had a sip since.

Ms Sophie

Agreed. It's been my experience that many , many people do indeed quit for someone else. ( I too started this way) however, you can't STAY quit for someone else. Lots of folks walk in the door because they had to via, courts, families, friends, etc. The ONLY people who ultimately stay there and remain successful do it for themselves which in turn helps those around them.

Does that make sense?

[IGoeOn]

I've never done the 12-step approach. . .I like the idea of a program, however. I have much trouble with the honest inventory/amends part of it. Over the years I have had friends come up and apologize for historical events - a couple of them told me they were in the program - a couple didn't. It was cool.

I have been in group therapy 2x - not inpatient, but outpatient. (Groups are the way on life in a treatment center.) They were interesting. Hand-raiser that I am I kept pretty quiet, shockingly. I also think that it may be a little different with eating disorders. Anorexics and bulimics are SO crazy - everyone wants to weigh less and vomit more - be sicker, etc. Not always but a lot of the time. Group is not necessarily a good thing with this population imo.

[sophie30]

Absolutely @H20shed65, I completely agree. To me it seemed so simple once I had a little distance and sober time under my belt. My life was complete misery as a drunk, why would I ever want to go back to that? But until I got to that point, I couldn't quit for myself. I didn't give a shit about myself, I didn't care if I lived or died and it seemed like it would never end. As anxious as I was the first day of every detox, that I would seize again or have a heart attack from the stress of my BP, or lack of potassium, part of me hoped for death, to put an end to something I never could.

[brienzi]

Hello, my name is Brienzi....and I'm addicted to PR
Just goofin folks..

[sophie30]

I've also done group therapy twice @IGoeOn, the two times I went to rehab (and subsequently learned how to detox at home), I found that unlike most things in life, you get out of it what OTHERS put in. I had a great experience with a great group once, and a group that clearly didn't want help or to be there at all the other time.

[naughtysmurf]

I think you guys are so brave to be doing this. I have a lot of the same issues you do @IGoeOn,like dependency(not on people),emotional intimacy(mainly having difficulty connecting with someone) and a troubled childhood. I NEVER talk about my problems to anyone and i know threrapy would do me a world of good,but i just can't bring myself to go.

[sophie30]

Getting yourself there the first time is the hardest part @naughtysmurf. Then it just takes time to trust and open up.

[IGoeOn]

@sophie30 - isn't that the damn truth. I can't believe I am still working with the same therapist for 12 years - and I still don't trust her entirely. Which is insane. I can't tell you how many sessions I spent just sitting - not saying a word. I don't know why I did that - I just did. I wanted to be there - I didn't want to be there - I just couldn't talk.

It's tough. It sucks. It's indulgent. It's exciting.

[H20shed65]

Hello, my name is Brienzi....and I'm addicted to PR
Just goofin folks..

Thanks for sharing!!! Keep Coming Back!

And remember @brienzi Denial ain't no river in Egypt!


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TRUE! TRUE! TRUE!

Whether individual therapy or group therapy or 12 Step is your particular poison, there is something really uplifting about being able to:

1) Know you are NOT the only crazy person!
2) Getting feedback & being called on your Bullsh*t!
3) Having a safe place to unload your drama !

This is SO wrong as concerns 12 Step, but I'm human and can't help it:

Comparisons or taking someone else's inventory are verboten, but I find some peace in listening to others horror stories at meetings. One, it reminds me why I keep coming and what awaits me if I choose to use.

Two, addiction/ compulsion issues really do a number on your self esteem, the shame, guilt , self loathing and when I hear a real horror story from another traveler I generally think "Jeez, at least I didn't do that; maybe I'm not so horrible"!
Again-----SOOOO Wrong in 12 Step. But I'm human and it's just my truth!

[billyboy1965]

We talk (I talk) a lot on this forum about things other than prescriptions. I decided to create a space for people who are in some type of treatment to share about that part of their lives - a dedicated thread to this topic. I know some of you are in therapy, twelve-step programs - I know some of you have gone through treatment programs, detox, or DBT. If you want to talk about your present or your past as it relates to these topics feel free.

Recovery is a lifetime process, one day at a time. It never ends.

I do not suffer from this chronic illness, but I've seen it from outside the box. I can see what alcoholics and addicts can't see. I believe it's almost like one smoker not being able to smell the smoke on another.

My experience involves watching the person hit bottom, and that didn't take long to happen after Billy stopped being codependent and enabling and used tough love.

Tough love is so very difficult to do. It is so hard that it took me five years to cross that bridge. Others, including yourself, will see you as uncaring and unloving. Unless you're an a$$hole, it isn't easy. The word "love" still applies. And the love is still there. The addict/alcoholic and his enablers don't think so, but they do not see the sobbing waterworks that happens when you throw him out and close (slam) the door behind him.

I do not mince words. It's not that I don't understand and I'm not sympathetic. I will not support the alcoholic/addict until the recovery begins.

I hope you don't mind the Al Alon people jumping in. We have our issues too. Do we keep alcohol in the house? Take the recovering alcoholic into bars? Separate? Divorce? What are those answers?

[IGoeOn]

I think this should be a place to discuss all of those issues. I know I have put my partner (in this case, my husband) through hell during the last 15 years. Not really the last 6 or 7 - before that. Talk about watching denial in action - I wish my husband had a place to talk about his experience. Not that he would. . .

[sophie30]

I know for us personally, there is no alcohol in our house unless we're having a cookout or something, and then its byob and take it with you when you leave. My husband does not drink around me, he drinks on the very rare occasion that a friend gets married or he goes to visit his buddy a few hours away and stays the night. We go to bars for the food - but never a bar that's a trigger for me, there are a handful that my friends and I haunted for years, never paid cover, skipped the line, etc, and we do not go to those places period. For a long time we didn't go anyplace with alcohol at all. If my friend has a birthday party that is sure to be drunken debauchery, I skip it and take them out to dinner another night. It does take a LOT of maneuvering and commitment for those of you in al anon too. It's unfair in a lot of ways, but it also shows what incredible love you must have for that person.

[billyboy1965]

I got sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Nice. I knew the lingo would shine through at some point.

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Not that he would. . .

He might. He might need to. A big reason why I remain here.

The chapters might vary but the book would tell the same story.

[H20shed65]

@billyboy1965

I can't speak for others , but I appreciate all point of view. Part of the process is understanding how OUR actions as addicts/ alcoholics affected those around us. So jump on in!

Unlike @sophie30 I personally am not bothered by alcohol in my home or elsewhere. However, I still can't go into a bar, especially a gay bar. Bars and gay people, IMHO go hand in hand, certainly in my generation (48). It is often the only way to safely meet , socialize and interact with other gay people. Probably less so now , but very true in my drinking days!

I think eventually I'll cross that bridge successfully, but I'm not there yet. As Sophie mentioned, it's a trigger thing for me too. But oddly , being at parties or homes where there is booze does not bother me. ( anymore, it used to