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I deal with borderline personality disorder every day. I am on 200 mg of zoloft for
the depression & 1mg of? resperidal. my husband and i have a very difficult relationship, mostly due to my mood swings and confusin emotions, anger, etc. before i was hospitalized due to self-harm, we were filing for divorce because i didn't feel that i loved him and he didn't understand me at all. my friends (girls & guys) seem to be able to understand me, validate me and listen without judgement. anyways, since i have been out of the hospital (2 months), i have tried very hard to straighten myself out and that including repairing our relationship with 150% effort. after a while, his parents offered us ther basement, which means us moving in with them andevetually guilding a new placeon their land out in the country (we live in he city). when i agreed to it, i started feeling even more apprehensive about the relationship. though i was giving my all, i was still scared i was making a mistake (ambivalence is a bad habit i work hard against everyday, so i TRY combat thoughts daily w/ affirmations)
we've been together 8 years and most of the time, my friends and my family have said they would support me if i chose to leavebecause they didn't like the way he talked to me. even his own parents would say things to him. i have 2 friends left, due to bothe my bpd but also in part to him. he is very jealous, of anyone or anything that takes my time away from him. my question is...am i deating a dead horse by trying yet again? or am i doing something that might actually work? my thinking is that with it being so hard for me to communicate with him, is it that i love him, why i'm staying. or that i just don't want to lose to this bpd, a relationship that will affect my kids and my family? I feel so much guilt for even thinking this still.
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